Season of peace

There is a time for everything,
   and a season for every activity under the heavens: 

a time to be born and a time to die,
   a time to plant and a time to uproot,
 a time to kill and a time to heal,
   a time to tear down and a time to build,
 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
   a time to mourn and a time to dance,
 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
   a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
 a time to search and a time to give up,
   a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
   a time to be silent and a time to speak,
 a time to love and a time to hate,
   a time for war and a time for peace.

I can’t speak on, or teach things I haven’t lived or experienced for myself. I feel it is the very nature of journaling and blogging so I have to simply share this, hoping it will encourage some.

This season I’m about to describe, snuck up on me and surprised me. Like an unexpected kiss from my husband when I’m busy in the kitchen or a really sweet word from the mouth of my five year old. Unexpected but welcome.

It was a few days after Christmas and we were all home just enjoying being off from work and school. My husband perceived me as being unusually quiet and asked what was on my mind. “To be honest, I replied, I really am not sure. I’m not concerned about anything, not extatic about anything but not sad or mad either. I’m just strangely at rest and I've been that way for a while now.” Upon further reflection, quick glimpses of the last 9 years of my life came to mind and I began to put some pieces together and make some sense of what I was experiencing for the first time ever.

Nine years ago I got married and as for most of us it was a learning experience. How am I to be as a wife? How do I uproot much selfishness in me and how do I learn how to care for and serve another person. I felt I lacked so many skills for everyday living and really struggled in many areas. Schools don’t educate you in how to think only what to think. It was a time I needed God to teach me every day and encourage me often to persevere.

Then we had children and that was a whole other level of difficulty as you can all relate. The fears and questions of my adequacy challenged me daily, while I tried to balance the responsibility of a house and still being there for my husband and children. It was a constant survival mode for years and I relied on God on hands and knees many days.

Next came a financial burden as we ventured out and bought a business that struggled. I was also expecting my second son. This season was perhaps the toughest because as finances put most pressure on the husband, inevitably it will affect the marriage. I struggled greatly with feelings of abandonment in my most critical season. It felt critical because it followed directly previous seasons of learning to be married and becoming a mother. I simply couldn’t stand it anymore. At that point I cried to God often.

We finally sold the restaurant, moved temporarily into my in-laws empty house and I got involved with a sweet group of girls for bible studies and fellowship. I was beginning to breathe. I still had so many needs and insecurities like working thru the death of my mom and embarking on the journey of home schooling my boys. But I was more at peace with God with only occasional times of desperation and panic.

Today we live in Georgia. My husband’s work has changed and allowed us to have more time as a family. Our marriage has been better than ever just these last few months. I'm comfortable with home schooling and I'm enjoying forming new friendships. There are no major issues, hardships, pains or hurdles. I told my husband that for the first time ever, I am not fighting to survive or to overcome something. I wake up with a mind at peace and this is what surprises me! I’ve certainly had joy in my life but never this consistent for this long. It’s like I am resting in the arms of my Dad and nothing can touch me. I now get up to have quiet time with Jesus not to survive the day and do battle in prayer but to simply be with Him and enjoy His love for me. It is divine and reminds me of the time when I first believed. Only I had no idea a season like that can come back after years of hardship.

I share this knowing that you may be in any one of the hard seasons in life and you may just have gotten so used to life being hard, that you don’t expect anything else, ever. But take heart, God has promised a time of rest from our labors. It is through His mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions don’t fail (Lam.3:22).

“To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven;…”

“…A time of war, and a time of peace.” (Ecc.3:1-8)

“For we who have believed do enter that rest, as He has said.” Heb.4:3

“There remains therefore a rest for the people of God.” Heb.4:9