Temper Temper

“My dear brothers [and sisters] take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.”
James 1:19-20 (NIV)

Patience. It’s the one thing that still drives me crazy! It is one of the many things God has been working into me over the years. It’s something I prayed for when I was a little girl. It is something I still struggle with. I desire to be patient, but there is a little part of me that always wants to know “when”…okay, and maybe “how” as well. I find that this thing called patience…or the lack thereof, bleeds into all areas of my life. No one or nothing is exempt—especially my kids.

My son Mikey is such a beautiful gift. He lightens me up in so many ways. He is calculated, yet free; cautious, yet zany. Although outwardly he is always on the move, inwardly he seems to be in no rush at all. And it is this late point on which we differ so much. I am naturally a go, go, go person---outwardly and inwardly. I find that I am often multi-tasking outwardly and focusing on several different things inwardly at the same time. I am often in a rush. I need to slow down. Mikey is never in a rush—never in a rush to put his shoes on, go to the bathroom, brush his teeth, put his clothes on, etc. He would be perfectly content to have all of the above be a process in which takes several breaks (in the middle of each task) to stop and play with a toy. He needs to speed up.

I have found that this difference in us often gets my pressure pot cooking. Afterall, we need to go! Yet, I have found that once again I need to stop and ask for wisdom and balance. I need to slow down a bit AND lovingly teach him how to pick up the pace—he does not need to take his airplane to the bathroom to go potty and brush his teeth. :) In fact, God has been showing me that when I slow down and exercise patience with him, I enjoy him a whole lot more. In fact, I come to appreciate him for who he is…I tend to focus more on what he does right! On the other end of the spectrum, when I am moving far too fast, I tend to focus on what he does wrong. :(

I have come to realize that I need to be more of a teacher than a corrector. I want to train him up to be a man of God. My husband told me about a “Focus on the Family” broadcast he listened to recently. In the broadcast, the woman discussed how important it is to be wise and thoughtful in dealing with strong-willed kids. She said so many things that I need to hear (some things that for the sake of time I will blog about later), but one thing she said is that we often think we need to shape our kids, but we don’t. We need to unfold the person that God has created them to be. As I meditated on that, I realized that far too often I was trying to shape Mikey into a little me. I like myself as much as the next person, but we do not need another me walking around our house. ;)

In an effort to unfold him, I think that there are three things I need to remember to do each day.

1. I need to be consistent. He needs to know what the rules are, and I need to enforce them so that I am not blowing my cool because “I have already asked him five times”. He needs to learn first-time obedience. I need to lovingly enforce it. As my husband would say, “don’t get angry and start lecturing the boy, just write a ticket”—a police metaphor for giving him a consequence (time out, take away the toy, no TV show that day, etc.).

2. I need to take the time to meaningful dialogue with him—and yes, sometimes that does involve asking “why”. Even though as parents we are often told not to ask our kids why they don’t want to do something, I have often found that asking him “why” gives me a glimpse into his heart. Sometimes he isn’t being defiant, sometimes I learn that he needs help or doesn’t know where his shoes are so he can’t put them on. Other times, he is just curious to know how something works. Asking questions often helps me respond appropriately to the situation. It also gives him “grace to grow”.

3. I need to ask the Holy Spirit to fill me each day so I can be poured out instead of drained out. This beautiful thing called motherhood that was begun in the spirit needs to be continued in the spirit, not in my fleshly, fallen way.
I’ll have to check back in to let you know how I am doing with these things. But I pray that you and I will both seek to unfold our kids so that they can be the young men and women of God that they were created to be. I would also pray that God will help us slow down and study our kids so we can understand “why” they are the way they are…and enjoy that they are not just like us. :)

Prayer:
Heavenly Father, thank you for your incredible love and your incredible patience with me. Truly, I do not deserve it. Help me to extend that same type of patience to my kids so that they can grow in you, knowing that they are loved by both you and me as they grow and sort things out. Help me to be quick to listen and slow to become angry. Help me to do what I so often tell my kids—to not say anything if I don’t have anything nice (or loving) to say… so that in my rushing I don’t say something harsh. Help me to put you at the center of everything, and please help me to slow down. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.

Verses to consider:

“The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride.” Ephesians 7:8 (NIV)

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.” Galatians 5:22

“Therefore as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.” Colossians 3:12