In His Time

"Yet, O Lord, you are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand." (Isaiah 64:8)

I remember my first year of teaching (even though I'd rather forget it) and how difficult it was for me. I felt like I was acting the part of a teacher, b/c if my students really knew how little I knew about controlling them or disciplining them or teaching them--I was in real trouble. I felt like I was on stage, all eyes on me and I was winging it as best I could at times. And many nights I'd drive home thinking, "What am I doing?".

Fast forward to year four and I no longer felt the pressure to "act" like anybody else but me. I was comfortable in front of my 6th graders, I loved what I was doing and I had been there long enough that kids knew me before they entered my classroom from their older brothers or sisters. Even though I had days in those first couple years where I wanted to quit, I managed to stick it out and the rewards were finally starting to surface. People told me it'd get better and I hung on to that hope--sometimes, by a thread. And they were right.

Now, as a mom, I have similar days to those first years in the classroom. Those moments when I feel like I'm acting out the part of what I think a good mother should be. Because if my kids really knew how little I knew about controlling them or disciplining them or teaching them--I would be in real trouble.

I hear so often how other moms are teaching their kids scripture and reading devotions with them and of course I want my boys to have that experience early on in our house. So, yesterday I decided to sit down with both of them and read a children's version of the creation story to them and apply it to what we had been learning in Sunday School. But as I started reading, I felt again like I was playing a part. Not that I don't enjoy sharing with them or being a part of their spiritual journey, I just don't completely feel natural doing it.

They both did really well while I read (except for the 2 minute explanation of why Griffin had a mosquito bite on his leg), but I've realized that's normally the case. Things usually go pretty smoothly, it's just the anticipation and wondering what's going to go wrong that throws me off.

And, of course, everything gets better with time. It was last year that I tried teaching Cooper his first memory verse and he just wasn't getting it. I kept thinking I was doing something wrong, if I was like this or that mother he'd have it by now...what were they doing that I wasn't? But just last week he recited in sunday school Genesis 1:1 and now I know that some things just come with time.

That if our hearts are truly in it, the feeling of playing a role will gradually become more real and the graces of God will fall on us in the meantime.

Lord,
Help us to grasp this thing called motherhood. There are definitely days where we feel like we're trying to be the best mom we can be in spite of our weaknesses and inexperience. Allow us to fall on you in those times and rest knowing that in our inability you will pick us up and push us to be the mom you called us to be. We love you, Lord.
In Your Name,
Amen.