Sitting around the breakfast table with my kids the other day they were so happy, laughing and talking. They were full of stories about their daddy and all they had done with him the night before. They played hide and seek and daddy had picked the best and craziest places to hide them. They played mission impossible and daddy made up the best missions, they were really nearly impossible. Daddy made up the funniest house rules for Uno Roboto, “he wanted us to be quiet,” they said laughing, thinking this was the funniest thing their dad has ever requested of them. Around and around they went with story after story, giggle after giggle, all from the joy their daddy had brought into their lives. I loved it, I was happy to sit there and listen to it for quite a long time.
When we had our first baby I never expected to experience such an overflow of joy just watching my husband hold his daughter and stare at her with such love in his eyes, like she was the most amazing thing he had ever seen. It was in those moments that I knew I would always make sure my kids knew without a doubt how much their daddy loved and cared for them. I would also make sure their daddy knew how much his children loved him.
When my kids were very little I always made sure that daddy coming home was the most exciting thing of the day. Whether they had just sat home all day or had a day full of fun and adventure. When he got home they ran to the door all squeals and smiles ready to give and receive hugs. They know that daddy goes to work everyday to take care of them, to feed them, clothe them and provide a home for them. They know their daddy loves them very much and he knows they love him.
My husband is a very exceptional dad, I believe his love for them would shine through regardless if I got them all excited that daddy was coming home or not. But I do know that it makes a difference. As a stay at home mom I am with my kids way more than double the time that he is. If I spent that time criticizing, complaining and condemning their beloved father, no matter how much his love shined through, they would see him through a different set of eyes. They would respect him less and question the authenticity of his love when they see one thing from him and hear another thing from mommy. What a confusing life they would lead.
In several blogs it has already been mentioned that the best gift you can give your children is to love your husband. That is pure and simple truth. This is just one more example of that. I know that there are many cases where speaking kindly or respectfully of your children’s father is not an easy task. But, we have to remember that in our own anger when we lash out at husbands or ex-husbands through our children it is the children who are suffering your wrath and I am sure that is not the intention of your heart.
“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Ephesians 4:29
Those who listen are your children, even if you do not want to build others up, your child’s father in this case, IT IS FOR THE BENEFIT OF YOUR CHILDREN. If there is anything we need to get a grip on it is our tongues. Let’s read the rest of this scripture:
“And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4: 30-32
Let’s not hurt our children with our words. There is nothing those words are good for. If this is a area in your life where you struggle seek the Lord in prayer and do what Ephesians 4:30-32 tells us to do, get rid of the bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice, forgive.
I want to share with you a personal story from my childhood that will show you the power of a mother’s words. When I was 5 and my sister was 3 my parents got divorced. I rarely remember hearing my mother say anything bad about my dad, and I know there were some things she certainly could have said. My dad was not the most attentive father and if my sister or I ever said anything about it my mother never joined in our pity party or trashed my dad. Instead she would just tell us that our dad loves us the best that he can. My parents always worked out there differences and when it came to discipline we knew they would stand together. The result was 2 daughters who have a very high respect for both their parents. We love them both and we do not question their love for us, even the love that was “the best he could give.” My mom could have used us to lash out at my dad, it would have been easy but who would have been the most hurt by it, my sister and I. I love and appreciate my mom so much for that love she showed us in holding her tongue.
Now from a different perspective, I watched another family very close to me. I watched a mom and a dad who could never get along and never had anything nice to say about the other. They would speak unkindly about each other to their children. If mom said no you can’t, dad said yes you can. If dad said no, mom said yes. They were both so full of anger, resentment and bitterness against the other; I don’t know if they even realized what they were doing to their children. But, they were fighting a selfish war of hatred and using their kids. The kids noticed. They took advantage of pitting one parent against the other. They grew up with a lack of respect for both parents and any other adult. They also grew up without the security of a loving family because the view through their eyes was always distorted by the angry, bitter words of one of their parents against the other. I can’t imagine what that would be like to have dad do something loving and special for me only to have my mother criticize him in her own bitterness and the end result only being that she would make me feel unloved.
It is absolutely impossible to change someone else but we certainly have the power and access to a greater power, God, to change ourselves. In many of our homes this may not even be a problem but we see, we see it in so many homes. Pray for those parents, love those children and understand the hurt that they must be suffering, the uncertainty they must feel.
Lord, as mothers we have so much power, power that we don’t even realize most of the time. If it is the yearning of our hearts to hurt our husbands/ex-husbands through our children I pray Lord for a lighting bolt of conviction to fall to our knees, beg your forgiveness and help to make things right. Your love Lord is what we are to share in all circumstances; there is no time that calls for breeding hatred in the hearts of our children or sowing the seeds of doubt for their father’s love. I pray for the parents of the children I know who are the innocent victim’s caught in this war of selfishness, protect them and love them. Help them in their innocence to see through your eyes instead of the distorted ones created by their parents.
When we had our first baby I never expected to experience such an overflow of joy just watching my husband hold his daughter and stare at her with such love in his eyes, like she was the most amazing thing he had ever seen. It was in those moments that I knew I would always make sure my kids knew without a doubt how much their daddy loved and cared for them. I would also make sure their daddy knew how much his children loved him.
When my kids were very little I always made sure that daddy coming home was the most exciting thing of the day. Whether they had just sat home all day or had a day full of fun and adventure. When he got home they ran to the door all squeals and smiles ready to give and receive hugs. They know that daddy goes to work everyday to take care of them, to feed them, clothe them and provide a home for them. They know their daddy loves them very much and he knows they love him.
My husband is a very exceptional dad, I believe his love for them would shine through regardless if I got them all excited that daddy was coming home or not. But I do know that it makes a difference. As a stay at home mom I am with my kids way more than double the time that he is. If I spent that time criticizing, complaining and condemning their beloved father, no matter how much his love shined through, they would see him through a different set of eyes. They would respect him less and question the authenticity of his love when they see one thing from him and hear another thing from mommy. What a confusing life they would lead.
In several blogs it has already been mentioned that the best gift you can give your children is to love your husband. That is pure and simple truth. This is just one more example of that. I know that there are many cases where speaking kindly or respectfully of your children’s father is not an easy task. But, we have to remember that in our own anger when we lash out at husbands or ex-husbands through our children it is the children who are suffering your wrath and I am sure that is not the intention of your heart.
“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Ephesians 4:29
Those who listen are your children, even if you do not want to build others up, your child’s father in this case, IT IS FOR THE BENEFIT OF YOUR CHILDREN. If there is anything we need to get a grip on it is our tongues. Let’s read the rest of this scripture:
“And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4: 30-32
Let’s not hurt our children with our words. There is nothing those words are good for. If this is a area in your life where you struggle seek the Lord in prayer and do what Ephesians 4:30-32 tells us to do, get rid of the bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice, forgive.
I want to share with you a personal story from my childhood that will show you the power of a mother’s words. When I was 5 and my sister was 3 my parents got divorced. I rarely remember hearing my mother say anything bad about my dad, and I know there were some things she certainly could have said. My dad was not the most attentive father and if my sister or I ever said anything about it my mother never joined in our pity party or trashed my dad. Instead she would just tell us that our dad loves us the best that he can. My parents always worked out there differences and when it came to discipline we knew they would stand together. The result was 2 daughters who have a very high respect for both their parents. We love them both and we do not question their love for us, even the love that was “the best he could give.” My mom could have used us to lash out at my dad, it would have been easy but who would have been the most hurt by it, my sister and I. I love and appreciate my mom so much for that love she showed us in holding her tongue.
Now from a different perspective, I watched another family very close to me. I watched a mom and a dad who could never get along and never had anything nice to say about the other. They would speak unkindly about each other to their children. If mom said no you can’t, dad said yes you can. If dad said no, mom said yes. They were both so full of anger, resentment and bitterness against the other; I don’t know if they even realized what they were doing to their children. But, they were fighting a selfish war of hatred and using their kids. The kids noticed. They took advantage of pitting one parent against the other. They grew up with a lack of respect for both parents and any other adult. They also grew up without the security of a loving family because the view through their eyes was always distorted by the angry, bitter words of one of their parents against the other. I can’t imagine what that would be like to have dad do something loving and special for me only to have my mother criticize him in her own bitterness and the end result only being that she would make me feel unloved.
It is absolutely impossible to change someone else but we certainly have the power and access to a greater power, God, to change ourselves. In many of our homes this may not even be a problem but we see, we see it in so many homes. Pray for those parents, love those children and understand the hurt that they must be suffering, the uncertainty they must feel.
Lord, as mothers we have so much power, power that we don’t even realize most of the time. If it is the yearning of our hearts to hurt our husbands/ex-husbands through our children I pray Lord for a lighting bolt of conviction to fall to our knees, beg your forgiveness and help to make things right. Your love Lord is what we are to share in all circumstances; there is no time that calls for breeding hatred in the hearts of our children or sowing the seeds of doubt for their father’s love. I pray for the parents of the children I know who are the innocent victim’s caught in this war of selfishness, protect them and love them. Help them in their innocence to see through your eyes instead of the distorted ones created by their parents.
Great post girl! Wonderful reminder of the power of our tongues. Such a small piece of our body but makes such a huge impact on the lives we live!
ReplyDeleteAmen!! Beautiful blog and sooooo important. Great reminder Courtney. I loved it!
ReplyDelete