Single Parenting - "It is What it is!"

Is she a beautiful Momma or what?  This is my sister in law, Jill.  Before she married my brother May 5, 2010, she was single parenting my new niece and nephew.  Now she has is doing a grand job of blending families and mothering another son.  I have a heart for the single moms and asked Jill to consider another post regarding of what she learned during her years as a single mom.  If you are parenting as a single mom...be blessed by Jill's words.  If not, share these words with someone who is.

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Our local radio station (SPIRIT FM!) recently asked an on-air question that got me wondering if perhaps I should call in and respond.  Instead, I chose to be still and listen to a couple of the callers. But the Holy Spirit started working on me and I was reminded that God allowed me to go through what I went through, NOT to keep what I learned to myself, but for me to SHARE what He taught me through it all.  So, I jotted down my thoughts and emailed them to the morning show hosts the following day!  I am now sharing those same thoughts with you on their topic, “Advice for Single Parents” based on what I learned from my experience of single parenting for 5 years as a widowed mom of 2 young children.  Now please note, I'm a rather "tough love" minded person, so I don't do much sugar-coating and get straight to the point!  :) So, here goes:

My personal advice for single parents:

*Accept the reality of it...it is what it is...and God allowed you to be put there. Every trial that we encounter has to go through God first to get to us...and HE obviously trusts us that we will glorify Him through it.  So, learn quickly what it is that He is trying to teach you through it all.  Stop the mentality of being a "victim" of unfairness, or maybe even of your own actions. Take a new, different viewpoint/mentality and choose to step up, take responsibility, and appreciate where you are right now in life and simply let God use it to mold you into who HE wants you to be. 

*If you're a single parent because of divorce -- then more than likely you have time (alternating/various days) without the kids -- take advantage of that time away from them to do something enjoyable & rejuvenate -- and not just “work” it away because you think you are being so responsible in doing so.  Being truly responsible, means taking care of yourself so that you are able to, and CAN take care of others. Use that provided and scheduled breathing room wisely!

*If you're a single parent because of the death of your spouse -- then appreciate the memories that you have together as a family and REJOICE in the fact that your spouse is now in a better place and simply beat you home (to Heaven)!  And find peace in the fact that your kids don't need to live in 2 different places.  There are positives to everything if you change your perspective and search for the silver lining. You won't get that same scheduled "time away" from the kids (as most divorcees do) so you will need to depend on others and/or babysitters to give you a break from that responsibility from time to time. In my personal experience, I would recommend at least once a week in this type of situation!

*In either of the single parenting arrangements -- you have to humble yourself and ACCEPT the offers from friends/family to help you, and in the process, your kids will have the opportunity to learn to trust others and depend on someone other than JUST you!  I completely understand that it's hard to let go of the control of when/where/how things get done, but sometimes you just have to say THANK YOU and allow others the opportunity to SERVE you when they offer, otherwise you rob them of the joy of serving!  I know that from both ends -- Over the five yrs of single parenting my 2 children, I eventually learned to accept the "gift of help" WHENEVER it was offered -- because I knew it was a God-wink :) I recently remarried my God-sent husband (in 2010), and have since offered assistance to others, who have declined the help -- I guess because they felt it would make them look incapable or irresponsible, like I also used to feel.  And that was simply not true. I eventually discovered the HUGE need to be humbled and allowed the hands and feet of God to be of service to me when help was offered :)

*And last but not least...and probably the MOST important:  USE this time as a single parent to grow closer to God. Let HIM be your spouse and allow Him to teach you how to be the parent (and to become the FUTURE spouse) that He wants you to be.  This is YOUR opportunity to solely focus on getting more intimate with God - with no distractions of other relationships. A quote that personally helped me through my challenging single-again years is, “A woman’s heart should be so lost in God, that a man must seek HIM in order to find her!”  So, get lost in God!  Allow Him to be your Help-mate, and depend on HIM to provide EVERYTHING from the basics all the way down to the tiny details of who will take your daughter to the birthday party while you're at the soccer game with your son and can't be in 2 places at once!!!  

Single parenting can really be a beautiful phase in your life when you use that time to grow in Him, learn who God really is, and then realize that you are already complete IN HIM!!  GOD IS GOOD, His grace IS sufficient for every situation we encounter, and He WILL take care of you when you obey Him with your actions AND your attitude!!! 

Back in 2005, I read a quote in John Maxwell’s book, “Today Matters,” that changed me: “Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you respond to it.”  Never forget that little eyes in your household ARE watching how you respond to what happens in your life, as well as what you say AND what you do.  Be a good example for them, and as Ray Charles has been quoted saying, “Live every day like it’s your last because one day you’re gonna be right.”

Lord, you are so good to us even when we really deserve nothing! Teach us Lord, to trust in You with all our hearts, and lean NOT on our own understanding. In ALL our ways to acknowledge You, knowing that You WILL make our paths straight. Thank you Lord for your Promises to us in Your word, thank you for providing for our every need, and most of all Lord, thank You for our salvation!!