The Race Continues....

Last week my sister-in-law began a post that finds its completion today.  She is such a great “Momma!”  I am blessed by her strength, endurance and sweet relationship with our Savior.  Be blessed by her words….

     

     When I think of how “training through adversity” relates to my family personally, I am reminded of my time spent as a single parent.  I recall when many friends and family offered to help me with the kids (ages 7 and 2 ½ at the time) when my husband passed away in 2005.  It was much needed and appreciated help as I muddled through what to do next.  And I knew that my kiddos needed some extra love and attention.  But I eventually saw that some of the “good-intentions” led to an abundance of sympathy, concern, and a lot of extra attention/coddling.  

     I soon noticed quite a difference in the attitude of my 7 yr old daughter.  It started to become almost like an attitude of “entitlement” or an “excuse” to get away with certain things and behaviors, or to get to DO this, or get to HAVE that, all because she didn’t have her Daddy anymore. She certainly deserved those extra privileges now, right?  I mean, that’s the lesson she was being taught by all of us, so why would she think that she was anything less than extra-super-duper special and was owed this by the world to her because of her situation in life?  UH-OH!! 

     I knew I needed to nip that mentality in the bud!  I had to explain to her little heart & mind the best that I could, that she still DOES have a Daddy, it’s just that he happens to live in Heaven right now and is waiting for us to join him someday.  And NO, it really did not mean she was entitled to have any extra “stuff” or special privileges just because he wasn’t here with us anymore, and she absolutely did NOT have an excuse to get away with unacceptable behavior because of it! 

     “IT” only meant that God CHOSE our family to go through these experiences and adversities to glorify Him (not to pity ourselves.)  And we were NOT going to use our circumstances as an excuse for selfishness, inexcusable behavior, bad attitudes, or as entitlements to special privileges or rights. 

     I couldn’t let her or my son begin to believe for a moment that they were missing ANYTHING that God couldn’t provide for us.  And I certainly would not say, “Oh, you poor little children of mine, what in the world is going to happen to you now?”  That would only offer them a dreadful “crutch” to be used by them for the rest of their lives! 

     Instead, I knew I had to step up to the position that God called me to, and I had to show them how to find contentment, joy, strength, and confidence IN CHRIST, no matter what our circumstances are (see Phil 4:11-13.)  I needed to “train them through adversity” and equip them, not cripple them!  As Chip Ingram states in his book, Effective Parenting in a Defective World, “We need to teach our kids to suffer well.”  And so, we did our best to suffer well, even when it meant uprooting our lives as we knew it, moving the 3 of us to a new city, living in a new house, meeting new friends, going to a new school, finding a new church home, and muddling through every little change that needed to be made in our lives – all because of the “IT” that others would often remind us was so “unfair.” 

     Through it all, we had to choose every day to become BETTER, and not bitter because of these “unfair” circumstances that were completely out of our control.  Why? Because that’s what Christ tells us to do in His Word: “Be thankful IN all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.” (1Thes 5:18) 

     Please note that the verse says, “Be thankful IN all things,” but it does not say FOR all things, and believe me, that really makes a big difference!  So, did I always succeed at doing this?  No.  Did I keep trying, learning, stumbling, praying and CLINGING to the Lord?  YES!  Am I still doing this even though my circumstances have now changed in life?  You bet! And I haven’t given up on this race.  Neither can you…little souls are depending on you!

     I hope this sheds a new light on the benefits of training through adversity (even for our children), as we all struggle through our “unfair” challenging races.  We can’t forget this is all just temporary, it’s TRAINING for what’s to come. He’s equipping us for eternity in Heaven!  The race is already ON!  Adversities await us.  What are you training your children to be…crippled or equipped for Eternity?

CHALLENGE & PRAYER: Ingram’s book also mentions a great concept and a challenge that I’m going to pray for each of us now:  Lord, we have learned that our goal should not be to make our kids happy; the goal of our parenting needs to be Christlikeness.  Lord, equip us!  Empower us with your Holy Spirit so that we can become Christ-like examples to our children and to raise them to look and act a lot like YOU!  Teach us to do what your Word instructs us in Heb 12:1, to “run with endurance the race You have set before us.” Thank you, Jesus that You died on the cross for us, so that we can spend Eternity with You when we invite You into our hearts! We love You, Lord! AMEN.”

Single Parenting - "It is What it is!"

Is she a beautiful Momma or what?  This is my sister in law, Jill.  Before she married my brother May 5, 2010, she was single parenting my new niece and nephew.  Now she has is doing a grand job of blending families and mothering another son.  I have a heart for the single moms and asked Jill to consider another post regarding of what she learned during her years as a single mom.  If you are parenting as a single mom...be blessed by Jill's words.  If not, share these words with someone who is.

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Our local radio station (SPIRIT FM!) recently asked an on-air question that got me wondering if perhaps I should call in and respond.  Instead, I chose to be still and listen to a couple of the callers. But the Holy Spirit started working on me and I was reminded that God allowed me to go through what I went through, NOT to keep what I learned to myself, but for me to SHARE what He taught me through it all.  So, I jotted down my thoughts and emailed them to the morning show hosts the following day!  I am now sharing those same thoughts with you on their topic, “Advice for Single Parents” based on what I learned from my experience of single parenting for 5 years as a widowed mom of 2 young children.  Now please note, I'm a rather "tough love" minded person, so I don't do much sugar-coating and get straight to the point!  :) So, here goes:

My personal advice for single parents:

*Accept the reality of it...it is what it is...and God allowed you to be put there. Every trial that we encounter has to go through God first to get to us...and HE obviously trusts us that we will glorify Him through it.  So, learn quickly what it is that He is trying to teach you through it all.  Stop the mentality of being a "victim" of unfairness, or maybe even of your own actions. Take a new, different viewpoint/mentality and choose to step up, take responsibility, and appreciate where you are right now in life and simply let God use it to mold you into who HE wants you to be. 

*If you're a single parent because of divorce -- then more than likely you have time (alternating/various days) without the kids -- take advantage of that time away from them to do something enjoyable & rejuvenate -- and not just “work” it away because you think you are being so responsible in doing so.  Being truly responsible, means taking care of yourself so that you are able to, and CAN take care of others. Use that provided and scheduled breathing room wisely!

*If you're a single parent because of the death of your spouse -- then appreciate the memories that you have together as a family and REJOICE in the fact that your spouse is now in a better place and simply beat you home (to Heaven)!  And find peace in the fact that your kids don't need to live in 2 different places.  There are positives to everything if you change your perspective and search for the silver lining. You won't get that same scheduled "time away" from the kids (as most divorcees do) so you will need to depend on others and/or babysitters to give you a break from that responsibility from time to time. In my personal experience, I would recommend at least once a week in this type of situation!

*In either of the single parenting arrangements -- you have to humble yourself and ACCEPT the offers from friends/family to help you, and in the process, your kids will have the opportunity to learn to trust others and depend on someone other than JUST you!  I completely understand that it's hard to let go of the control of when/where/how things get done, but sometimes you just have to say THANK YOU and allow others the opportunity to SERVE you when they offer, otherwise you rob them of the joy of serving!  I know that from both ends -- Over the five yrs of single parenting my 2 children, I eventually learned to accept the "gift of help" WHENEVER it was offered -- because I knew it was a God-wink :) I recently remarried my God-sent husband (in 2010), and have since offered assistance to others, who have declined the help -- I guess because they felt it would make them look incapable or irresponsible, like I also used to feel.  And that was simply not true. I eventually discovered the HUGE need to be humbled and allowed the hands and feet of God to be of service to me when help was offered :)

*And last but not least...and probably the MOST important:  USE this time as a single parent to grow closer to God. Let HIM be your spouse and allow Him to teach you how to be the parent (and to become the FUTURE spouse) that He wants you to be.  This is YOUR opportunity to solely focus on getting more intimate with God - with no distractions of other relationships. A quote that personally helped me through my challenging single-again years is, “A woman’s heart should be so lost in God, that a man must seek HIM in order to find her!”  So, get lost in God!  Allow Him to be your Help-mate, and depend on HIM to provide EVERYTHING from the basics all the way down to the tiny details of who will take your daughter to the birthday party while you're at the soccer game with your son and can't be in 2 places at once!!!  

Single parenting can really be a beautiful phase in your life when you use that time to grow in Him, learn who God really is, and then realize that you are already complete IN HIM!!  GOD IS GOOD, His grace IS sufficient for every situation we encounter, and He WILL take care of you when you obey Him with your actions AND your attitude!!! 

Back in 2005, I read a quote in John Maxwell’s book, “Today Matters,” that changed me: “Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you respond to it.”  Never forget that little eyes in your household ARE watching how you respond to what happens in your life, as well as what you say AND what you do.  Be a good example for them, and as Ray Charles has been quoted saying, “Live every day like it’s your last because one day you’re gonna be right.”

Lord, you are so good to us even when we really deserve nothing! Teach us Lord, to trust in You with all our hearts, and lean NOT on our own understanding. In ALL our ways to acknowledge You, knowing that You WILL make our paths straight. Thank you Lord for your Promises to us in Your word, thank you for providing for our every need, and most of all Lord, thank You for our salvation!!