God is the author and creator of relationship. Jesus did relationships better than anyone and his Holy Spirit allows us to faithfully represent him in ours. Naturally, our relationship with the Lord comes first. This is because all of our other relationships flow out from our relationship with Him. Picture a relationship wheel, if you will, with God in the center. On our wheel, there will ultimately be 6 spokes. For those of us who are married, that first spoke is our husbands.
I used to make really long New Years' resolution lists. Each year, my list gets shorter! This year, after praying about what the Lord wanted me to do differently this year, He put it on my heart to "Shine brightly for Christ as a wife. If you do just this His way, your witness will affect not only your husband, but your son, mother, in-laws, family, friends, neighbors, etc." (Copied from a journal entry early in the year.) Most Christian women will agree that their husband is their first priority after God, and I think our men are content to be in that number 2 spot. But, do the choices we make daily affirm to our husbands that they are our earthly #1? A friend put it this way. If your baby is crying because he or she is hungry, you feed your baby. Taking it a step further, if you have a young baby, feeding the baby is likely the first thing you do in the morning. Are we as quick to respond to our husbands' needs?
4 These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, 5 to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God. Titus 2:4, NLT
I can't help but notice that loving our husbands comes before our children in the verse above from Titus 2. It's so easy as moms to make the children our priority in our daily choices. After all, they depend on us! Of course, there will be times when we need to meet our childrens' needs before our husbands, but are we doing our best to put our husbands first as a general practice?
We put our husbands first by respecting and serving them. It's a matter of the heart first. If we truly respect them, we will honor them with our speech and our service. A fellow blogger recently pointed out that our relationship with our husband is a reflection of our relationship with Christ. How convicting! Oh, how I love both my husband and my Lord and I want to respect and serve them both well, don't you? One thing I have recently put into practice as I transition from working woman to stay at home mama is the manager test. When I am frustrated and considering what I will say to my husband, I ask myself, " Would I say this to my manager/supervisor/boss/employer? Or would I word it differently, employ a different tone, etc.?" If what I am about to say would need tweaking before I would say it to someone I work for, then likewise it needs at least the same amount of revision before my husband hears it! I suppose an even better test is, "Would I say this in this way to Jesus?"
While our husbands are a gift and serving them a joy, serving doesn't always come naturally to all of us. I do like to serve, but the truth is, I prefer to be served. I love when my husband and son make my coffee and I really enjoy eating out for that very reason. As Christian women; however, we have Christ's example to follow and the power of the Holy Spirit to do it! Another fellow blogger has encouraged me greatly by reminding me to, "Deny self. Serve your husband." So, in addition to respecting and serving them, what are some practical ways we can bless our husbands by showing them that they are our earthly #1s?
1) Give them priority time. Do you have a weekly date night? How about a marriage night? My husband and I enjoyed a weekly date night, but recently added a second night where we stay in, but invest time in an activity designed to strengthen our marriage. Thanks to those of you who suggested it! Some activities we have done and/or plan to do include watching a DVD on Marriage, reading a book and sharing, taking a fun quiz, like the Five Love Languages, assessing strengths and areas for improvement in our union, praying together, even just talking with one another. If it's been a while since you've had either a weekly date night or marriage night or you've been doing it for so long you're low on fresh ideas, ask a girlfriend and/or fellow blogger what they've been doing. Marriage night is a great night for a pizza! Less time in the kitchen, more time with each other.
2) See them off to work and welcome them warmly, if possible. My little guy and I love to walk Daddy to his car in the morning, say good-bye and wave until he disappears. We also love to get Daddy's text that he's on his way home, and greet him in the driveway.
3) Save your best for your husband. There are days when I take on too much and by the time my husband gets home, I am exhausted, maybe even cranky. But you know what? If I am truly making him my priority, I will more carefully plan our day so that I don't overdo it. I don't like to nap. I'd rather get things done. But, I'm nicer when I nap. I serve my man better when I am rested! So, if I need to and I am able, I lay down for 20 minutes and see what happens. If I'm still awake after 20 minutes, I get to do things. If not, I guess I needed a nap!
Ladies, let's make our husbands feel like kings! Shall we pray?
Heavenly Father, thank you for giving us the gift of marriage and the gift of our very own husband to love, cherish, respect and serve. Lord Jesus, help us to remember that our relationship with them is a reflection of our relationship with you. Help us to honor you both with our marriage. Give us hearts to respect our husbands and be ready and willing to serve. Let our children witness the love and respect we have for our husbands and model our good example. In your mighty name, we pray. Amen.
Great post, Ingrid! You are so right about being intentional about serving our husbands. I especially love the part about tweaking how we say things to our spouse, especially in light of the fact that we would not talk to any employer that way. Our husbands need our respect. Some of what you said is so counter-cultural in light of modern feminism, but you are so right! Thank you for sharing and for challenging us!
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