The Carrot or the Stick

There is a lot of debate these days about whether schools should have treasure boxes or “blessing boxes” that contain small prizes for children who exhibit good behavior. There are strong opinions on both sides. I cannot give a psychological breakdown on the issue, but I can offer my sincere experience as a Mom coupled with the advice I receive in God’s word.

I love that the Bible is chock-full of wonderful information—I just have to seek it out and be willing to conform my life to His will. Well, recently, my husband and I were having a discussion about a reward system I had just developed for my oldest Doodlebug. I took out a clear plastic cup and explained to my little guy that whenever he listened the first time, right away, without any excuses, explanations, or “buts” I would put a cotton ball in his cup. Whenever he failed to do so, I would take one away or implement some other form of discipline. When his cup is full of cotton balls, I will take him for a “well done” type of treat—ice cream, cheeseburgers at Five Guys, a prize from Target’s dollar section, etc.

The main idea is that good behavior is rewarded. As my husband and I discussed this new reward system, we got into a little discussion about whether we should reward him for things he is just supposed to do. As we talked it out, we eventually came to the conclusion that as Ecclesiastes says, there is a season for everything under the sun. I would love for our son to obey all the time just because it feels good, and it is the right thing to do. However, we realize that because of his age, he may need to see the direct result of his actions (along with a little motivation)—through a reward or a punishment.

God is so good that he does the same thing for us. I mean really, how many people initially accept Jesus into the their heart as lord and savior because their present life is missing something (or a complete wreck) and they really want to go to heaven? It is often not until later, as we mature in our faith, that we learn to seek God’s face (presence) and not just his hand (blessings). As we mature in our faith, we understand that God knows what is best for us all the time, and that he is completely trustworthy. We also learn that obedience brings peace and produces a harvest or righteousness.

So, the carrot or the stick? I am convinced that God uses both. He lovingly and graciously rewards us both here and in the life to come. Yet, he also disciplines us when we stray or wander off course. As moms, we have no owner’s manual for our kids, but we can always look to the Bible for truth and insight. Whatever form of motivation or correction that you use, filter it through God’s word, pray for wisdom, and accept God’s peace that he made you the mother of your children…and it is OK if your parenting style is different from that of your friends.

Verses to consider:

“And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.” Hebrews 11:6

“No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” Hebrews 12:11

“The law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul. The statutes of the Lord are trustworthy, making wise the simple…By them your servant is warned; in keeping them there is great reward.” Psalm 19:7;11

“Discipline your son, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death.” Proverbs 19:18

“”Even a child is known by his actions, by whether his conduct is pure and right.” Proverbs 20:11