Sunday, November 20, 2011

Silence

“A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold” Pr.25:11
“Silence is beautiful, don’t break it unless you can improve on it" 

Very recently I had undergone some minor surgery that required me to stay in bed for a few days and rest while healing. I had been stirring all week prior to it to make sure I had help lined up for my boys, meals figured out for 5 days ahead and all the laundry done so I wouldn’t be overwhelmed when I finally could move around again. God is good, my husband, mother- and sister-in-law all helped in every way and I really was well provided for. Second day after surgery I wasn’t sleeping much during the day due to pain but I still had to lay in bed so I decided to listen to an audio book on my kindle. The book I listened to was “The Chosen” by Chaim Potok. It was about two young Jewish boys raised very differently and their very unlikely friendship that formed in the midst of their differences. They ended up saving each others lives in a way. Both boys were brilliant Jewish students but one was raised very strictly and groomed to take his fathers place as a Rabbi even though he had no such desire. The other boy wanted to become a Rabbi simply because he loved people and felt the calling. One boy raised by his strict father in total silence (except for when they studied the Talmud together) The other was free to enjoy long discussions with his dad at any time.
Throughout the book my feelings grew colder and colder toward the very strict father and I just kept getting more and more upset over how a father can cease to speak to his own child entirely, except for when they study the Word of God. Toward the end of the book this strict father gives this lengthy explanation as to why he chose to not speak to his son from the age of 4 to 17.
 The father explains that when his son was 4 years old, he read to him a story about a suffering man and when finished, his son was able to retell the story exactly word for word from memory. He was also ecstatic over his own ability to do so and had enjoyed the story immensely. Seeing his sons response to his ability, the father goes into his study weeping before God. He prays; “God, why have you given me a son with a brilliant mind but without a soul?” From that day on, the father knew that he had to somehow teach his son to have compassion and love for people. He also knew that his sons brilliant mind was going to be his biggest stumbling block. So when the son was older, the father stopped talking to him except for when they studied the Talmud together. He wanted his son to look into his own soul for answers from God, once he knew what the Word taught.

Surely there must have been an easier way to teach a son compassion, you say? Not speaking to your child for 11 years? I agree, but there is something about this story I haven’t been able to let go off. A truth that perhaps we are able to extract and apply. So many times I am so quick to provide the “godly” answers for my children that I rob them of the beautiful discovery of Gods ways for themselves. Many times I instruct and reinforce to no end making my children weary. And sometimes I notice my words carry less and less weight because I’ve overused them. There is also something beautiful about extracting something that isn’t so easily given and provided. It becomes a treasure when one has to seek it out to aquire it. Why not silence then at times? Why not speak less and allow our children to discover for themselves and  “feel” the consequences of their actions rather than a constant out pour of warnings or instruction. “There is a time to speak and a time to keep silent” Eccl.
I think the reason we are not so comfortable with silence as a tool is first of all; we are women who like to talk and talk through everything. The other reason might be fear. We realize that the world will never stop screaming lies, trying to deceive our children. So we try screaming louder than the world; feeding them more bible stories, more Christian songs, more interference in their play, more fellowship and activities, more scriptures and more telling them the Christian way of being and so on.

The more I pondered this discovery of silence and withdrawal of help to my children, the more I realized it’s why God taught us to fast. It’s a separation from all the fleshly efforts in order to draw closer to God. I wanted to try it with my children. My opportunity presented itself almost immediately. After 4 days of bed rest my help was gone and I was on my own with the boys. Everything I did during the rest of my recovery was at half speed. During that time I spoke less to them, expected them to work out their own arguments and even asked for help from them. I truly was stunned by what I discovered. Not only were they able to play by themselves for hours, they would also be mindful of me resting, kept asking if I felt better yet and were content by me just staying close by. This silence, a slower pace and withdrawal were all beneficial things to both my boys and myself. Here are some scriptures I found.
 “Love is not loud, doesn’t demand it’s own way”.
“Do not be quick with your mouth” Pr.5:2
“…let your words be few.”
“…many words are meaningless” Pr.5:7
“…the fool multiplies words Pr.10:15

There is something to be said about withdrawal of constant out pour of words. We are to instruct our children from Gods Word, yes (in my book the father spoke to his child when they studied the Word) but no strong enforcement after that. In fact, the son was sneeking out to the library to read “forbidden books” such as Freud to satisfy his constant hunger for knowledge. Even though his strict father knew about it and din't like it, he didn’t address it with his son. He trusted the Word to take root and produce fruit in time. He wasn’t fearful. It’s radical and powerful and takes my hands off of my children in a way, entrusting them entirely to God. I’m convinced if I can learn to apply it rightly, I’ll experience much freedom and less fear in parenting.
When Jesus was tempted in the desert, he truly was alone. The angels didn’t minister to Him until He passed the test. He didn’t run to the Father for comfort or asked to be rescued from the temptation. He answered the devil by what He knew of Gods word and was able to overcome. That’s what I want for my children. They will very soon stand alone and I want them to discover and learn enough of God to be able to answer the enemy and overcome.
So what happened to the son and his strict father in my book? He was free to choose his own course in life, once his father saw that he had learned to love people more than his brilliant mind and abilities.

In what areas are your children capable of standing for themselves? I encourage you to withdraw your help at times and let your children stand alone with God whenever possible. You may be surprised at their ability and your own peace.


2 comments:

  1. Wow! Beautiful insight Maggie. Thank you. I think that is something that we can apply in more relationships than just our children.

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