Happy Birthday Baby!

Happy Birthday Baby!

       I don’t know that I’ve written you before, but on what would have been your 23^rd birthday – I think I shall.

       I don’t know what you are privy to.  I don’t know if you know I was your mom.  I don’t know if you knew we mourned your loss or had even dreamed of who you were and who you would become, but we did, and we do!

       You are a blessing even though you never saw the light of day.  The consolation of your “too early” departure is thinking you were greeted in Heaven by so many who were waiting on your arrival. 

       I thought of the joy “they” have experienced with you being there.  I’ve had to imagine your care and development in the presence of those who have gone before.

       I wonder how we would have celebrated you today should you have stayed on this side of eternity?  I would have wanted you to feel special – deeply loved and wanted.

       I wonder the roll you would have played in your sibling’s lives.  But less you missed it – your siblings know of you.  Your big sister would surely have loved a much sooner opportunity to love, care and dote on you!

       I’m quite sure your only brother has always believed you would have been his older brother.  A brother to throw ball with and partner with in the gym.  I’m thinking he has lacked a little confidence because you haven’t been with us.

       Your younger sister remains curious of the details of you and of God.

       My thoughts of you include the joy you have only known living in the presence of Jesus.  I’ve thought so many times of you finding comfort and peace and ecstatic delight being with our Resurrected Lord.

(I think this little one could be ours)

       I’ve thought of you bear hugging and bowling over all the other saints to welcome the “too soon” arrival of my younger brother.

       And your dad?  Well, I know he too has missed you.  You’ve made your way into his heart of compassion and his ability to empathize with so many others as they walk the road of miscarriage.

       But baby – you have made a difference – in all of us.  Because of you, we understand.  Because of you, we can relate.  Because of you, Heaven is all the more inviting.

       You just make me smile.  So a 23 year old would neither appreciate party hats or streamers – but I celebrate you –

I miss you-

In my humanity I would have chosen a different plan. But for your sake and the sake of others (both there and here,) you have had an amazing existence.

       Humanly, I miss I never saw your sparkling eyes.  I miss I never heard you giggle and say words like, “Mommy,” “Daddy,” and “Jesus.”

       Please hear me say, “Your Mommy loves you!”  I hope this will be your happiest birthday ever. 

       I will look forward to hugging you and holding you silly Birthday Baby!

       I love you!  Your Mommy