Perspective of a Blue Donkey

         I really like the idea of meeting authors.  I would like to ask: how they decided on the plot; where did the idea for their characters develop; what was their purpose in their writings.  I think I would especially enjoy meeting the authors of classic children’s book.  I reflect often on the truths I’ve gleaned in books written for children.

         One such author would be A. A. Milne, notoriously known for his Winnie The Pooh stories.  His characters, Winnie the Pooh, Tigger, Piglet, Roo, Christopher Robin and Eeyore have a place in our childhood that rival our affections for the mouse family in Orlando.

         As of late, and for the first time in my life, I have felt the temptation to give into the fictional character of the often-blue donkey, Eeyore.  Eeyore sees everything with exhaustion, an expectation for disappointment and even depression.  Eeyore was often illustrated looking over his shoulder at his pinned on tail.  Even then his comments were, “Could be worse. Not sure how, but it could be.”

         This week as I drove east early in the morning there were dark clouds much like the ones illustrated with Eeyore.  I looked in my rear view window to notice one small pinhole of light coming through the darkness.  As I tried to stay focused in the direction I was driving, I kept looking at this “pinhole” of light growing ever bigger.

         I thought about what our family has been experiencing in grief over a little more than two months.  That ray of light made me think I don’t know the “why” of what has happened; yet I believe the Lord may show us that He was there.

         I can be like Eeyore and point to the “cloud” and all it’s pain or I can move forward.  As I keep looking back I can begin to see more and more that the Lord WAS there.  As He is with us now, He was with us then and He is waiting for me with every step.

         Moving forward helps me to have perspective of what is behind me.  I don’t want to be like Eeyore with my head flipped over my shoulder all the time.  However, when I do glance backward I want to recognize more light than dark.

I Corinthians 13: 12

Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity.  All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.  

         Though I won’t have the opportunity to meet A. A. Milne and ask him about the character development of Eeyore, I hope he too found the light and joy that can only be found in the understanding of our perfect Savior Jesus. Seeing Jesus instead of a blue donkey will help keep those dark clouds in perspective!

The Due Date

As moms we always look forward to “the due date.”  At the first moment’s of reality that… “I might be pregnant?”  We ask the question, “When will that mean I’m due?”  During my pregnancy I ran to the “pregnancy wheel” and looked at the calculations for the approximate time of arrival.

         Today, I’m sure there is an “App for that!”

         However you find out…it is much anticipated.  You know it will come.  You know there will be much to do as you wait.  So in the vastness that separates saltines and ginger ale to the choosing doctors, having baby showers and decorating the beloved space where our children will sleep their first night home, we wait.

         I am grateful for our three that came on or before their due date.

         Our first grandchild’s due date is Sunday, February 14, 2016.  But she came early.  Kennedy Drew was born January 20.  She never took her first breath.

         Our hearts are tormented. Ripped beyond words. 

         The due date waits.

         The loss that surrounded January 20 is only more pronounced as we watch the due date arrive.  How can we face this date without the anticipation of our Kennedy? Please, putting me aside, how do my precious son and daughter in law look square the face of the calendar on Sunday?

         I told our son and daughter in law because there are not directions on how to parent each child in each season; I am unprepared to “parent” them in this season of grief.  I am to parent our mourning children while I mourn.

         My solutions and expertise are shattered. Except for God’s Word. His healing balm.

         Today I'm reminded there is a “wait.”

Habakkuk 2:3

“For the vision is yet for the appointed time;

it testifies about the end and will not lie.

Though it delays,

WAIT FOR IT,

Since it will certainly come and not be late.”

         We are all waiting.  Now, not for Kennedy’s due date, but ours and our Lord Jesus Christ’s.  Our home-going, His return.

         We don’t wait as those without hope!  We wait in excitement and anticipation of the confetti He has cued.

         He is ready.  He is ready for our wait. He is not just at the end of wait.  He is with us in our wait.  I believe He is holding our hands and comforting us.  I believe He is waiting.   He is cupping our chins and lifting our heads and directing our focus to what is at the end of our wait.

He is worth the wait.

I wait with expectation.

I wait not only with the Author of the Wait 

but the Author of the Due Date.

For our Parakaleo friends, please pray for our family as we walk through this time of great mourning.  Remember to pray for others who are carrying difficult circumstances.  You don’t need to be reminded how tough this “mom” thing is.  God’s Word, prayer and His people are our life rafts during these dark hours.  We need each other.  Thank you in advance for your much needed prayers.

For What is!

         Wow!  Yesterday was our 29^th Thanksgiving as a married couple and our 26^th as parents.  What a celebration!  With our oldest two children married with their own plans, this Thanksgiving meal we sat down with my in-laws, our youngest, and my beloved.  A total of five.  Crazy, for sure this is the smallest Thanksgiving I believe I’ve ever sat down to (except when I ate alone on the beach in Hawaii when I was 14, that’s another post in itself.)

         However, I love the simplicity of five!

         As with every year, I know next year will be different.  The difference can be more amazing (as we expect our first grandchild) and it can be daunting (as our parents health continues on a roller coaster.)

         Our journey so far provides the perfect table to say thank you to our Heavenly Father.  For what is, what has been and His presence for what will be.

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         As you enjoy lots of turkey sandwiches and leftover favorites may your hearts overflow with thankfulness for what is. 

"You Gotta Believe!"

         Some people have a hard time going to bed at night.  Some people have a hard time getting up in the morning.  For our teenaged eleventh grader, she is both.

         For you who prefer a long shower (specifically a 30 minute or longer) so does this same child.

         One morning this past week, as she propped herself at the kitchen island for breakfast, my husband and I were trying to encourage her to “get it in high gear.”  We recognized she had gone to bed late, gotten up late and now had quite a few things to do to get ready before her carpool ride came to pick her up.  This morning’s “high gear” also included the ridiculously long shower.

         After on-going encouragement and prodding by her dad, our daughter (with much inflection and exaggerated gestures) told him, “Dad, you gotta believe!  You just gotta believe in me!”

         Her words have echoed in my heart throughout the week.  “You gotta believe, just believe in me!”  I think how important it is to give her confidence.  We need to communicate our belief in her.  Belief, that she can.  Belief, that she can be. Belief. In. Her.

         I wonder how much more our children can accomplish when we demonstrate and communicate that we believe in them.  Our children gain confidence when they know that we believe in them, believe that they can. 

         This belief ultimately reflects a confidence and a hope in our Savior.  Realizing who we ultimately believe in. Focusing on the Christ is who we can confidently place our belief in. Believing in Christ for me and for our children.

Philippians 4:13 says..."I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength!"

         Within a few short minutes, her carpool ride pulled up in front of our house.  They too had to wait.  (Only another minute or two.)  As she grabbed her book bag, dance bag and lunch, quick hugs were exchanged.  The front door opened with her dad waving her goodbye chiming out, “I believe in you Baby Girl!”

Are you Me?

         As part of the challenge in studying Priscilla Shirer’s Armor of God, we are asked to weekly put together a “prayer strategy.”  This strategy is ascertained by combining our favorite verses, quotes and what we hear God saying to us individually during the week of study.

         This combination of thoughts and observations are then to be written on a three by five card written out into a prayer.  (If you saw, WarRoom, you can think, “prayer closet” with post-it notes.)  It is a beautiful idea to help us become prayer warriors in our own right.

         Sitting with our small group yesterday the “prayer strategy” 3x5 cards came into topic.  One of the gals shared her hesitancy in writing out her prayer on the beautiful cards we are provided.  Her hesitancy included wanting to write it out without mistakes.  In her “best handwriting” and “without mistakes” she said. Finally she said she felt so much pressure to not make any corrections she wanted to write it on a separate piece of paper and then transpose it.

         When she finished her explanation, I looked at her and asked, “Are you me?”  She had more eloquently than I can remember to record for you, stated exactly how I feel.  Yes, exactly how I have felt about the cards, but more specifically my life.

         So often, I just don’t want to even start.  Why?  Because I want to be perfect.   Sometimes, I want to hold on to something special or meaningful (a new gift, clothes, pens, lotions…you name it.)  (Moms, really?  I may need to get into counseling based on this confession.)

         All that said, I want to be perfect.  I want to have it all together.  I want to do my best, be the best, excel in all areas.  As ridiculous and impossible as trying to be perfect is, I somehow think others expect the same from me.  (OK, as soon as I finish this post, I’ll make a counseling appointment.)

        

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As crazy as this is for you to read as a mom, sometimes our children struggle with this same desire.  They want to please, they want to do what’s right and it can easily become a vice in their lives.

         Today, be on the outlook for your desire to be right and do right and look right.  Look for the same in your children.  Encourage them to embrace THE ONLY perfect God Man, Jesus.  Help them to see their need for a Savior and recognize it is not them.

         As I looked at my friend at the Bible study table, questioning if she was me, I don’t want my children asking the same of me. I don’t want them struggling with perfectionism because they learned it from me.  My prayer strategy must contain my need.  And my perfect solution is HIM!