His Secrets

I remember the moment my love for Him was settled. It was just before dark and the wipers of my car could barely keep up with the torrential downpour. No matter though, my eyes were so blinded by tears, I couldn’t see more than a few feet in front of me. I pulled off to the side of the road and let my heart cry out. I sat and sobbed, begged and pleaded. “God, don’t let them take my baby.” For 14 months, we had been parenting our sweet angel-boy, with the hope to soon finalize his adoption. Our years of infertility and heartache had become a distant memory, replaced by first steps and slobbery kisses. We had loved this little one fiercely and he was now the light of our lives. And here I sat, realizing that in less than 24 hours, we may no longer be a family. I felt the familiar lump of disappointment welling up within. I wanted to scream at the injustice; cry out to the God who had promised to never leave nor forsake me. I remember laying my head on the steering wheel, wondering what to even do next, and for a few moments, it seemed as though my world just stopped. I had come to a crossroads in my faith and a battle was raging in my heart. Yet there, in the midst of desperation and despair, the Holy Spirit began to fill me and help my unbelief. He began to remind me of His unfailing love for me, for my husband, and for our son. And through doubt, and fear, I began to speak His truths aloud. “God, you alone are the giver of life. You are good. You are holy. I am your child. I chose to serve you many years ago and my circumstances will not determine whether or not I remain in You. I surrender my all to You.” In that moment, it was settled. My soul was quieted. I would serve my God, come rain or shine. I would serve Him if He allowed our baby to go or to stay. I would CHOOSE Jesus. I had heard before of “the peace that passes all understanding” and in that instant, I knew it.

I Corinthians 2:10-13 tells us that the Holy Spirit will reveal the very secrets of God to us as we choose to live in obedience to Him. To think, I can KNOW the secrets of the God of the universe! I can rest in the certainty of Him when nothing else is certain! Lysa TerKeurst, president of Proverbs 31 Ministries says, “With God’s amazing love settled in our heart, we have his power to keep our faith steady and to experience lasting hope and joy independent of our situation.” I would not trade that hope, that joy, that faith, that peace… His secrets, for anything!

That rainy evening over five years ago, my love for Him was settled. Soon after, we finalized the adoption of our son. I pray that you, too, may allow every experience to bring you right to the foot of the cross. Choose you, this day, whom you will serve.

Cheree Moore