God always knows those moments when I need to be reminded of how much I am blessed. I love those moments; they are wonderful, warm and make me smile. He always knows just what I need, how it should be presented and by whom.
I really needed one of those moments. I was sick again; which was irritating. My kids were being very good, I was just not feeling well and needed to just be, I didn’t really know what, but I needed it. I needed to not have to worry about making dinner, cleaning it up, putting kids to bed. My husband was out of town again so I was manning the home front on my own. I was exhausted. I also was trying to finish a term paper for my class, which was seriously tasking my brain. My plan was to get the kids all tucked in and sit down to work on my blog, which ended up being impossible. My brain could think on nothing except for proving that God exists, which was my term paper.
In the middle of what felt like the impossible my husband called, he was just getting in from dinner and settling in for the evening. He listened to me cough up a lung over the phone and during the pauses I explain that I was not feeling better and my plans for getting my paper done were not looking good. He suggested that I just put everything aside and take a bubble bath. The kids were all in bed and relaxing in the tub was what he thought I needed.
Usually I read when I am in the tub but being that my brain was working overtime I thought I should probably not add to it. Instead I did this meditation exercise that I do. I honestly do not know if this example is something I made up on my own or if I read it somewhere but it works for me and so I claim it as my own now. What I do is I close my eyes, take some relaxing breaths and then I picture a filing cabinet. It is a little black beat up two-drawer filing cabinet with silver handles and under the handles is a little silver square with a white card in it. After I get that in my head I picture a trash can next to it. My trashcan is one of those big round plastic ones that you use out in the yard; it is gray with handles on it, no lid though. Then I picture my hand opening the bottom drawer of the filing cabinet and reaching into the drawer pulling out all the files and throwing them in the trashcan. Sometimes I really have to stick my arm way back in there to get some files that are kind of stuck to the back. Then I close that drawer, open the top drawer and clean that one out as well. I then shut the drawer and I give the trashcan to God. I tell God, “This is all that was in my mind, I have cleaned it out and it is all yours. Put back what you would like, but Lord, fill me up with what you want in my mind.” Then I just sit in nothingness for a bit, which I know seems impossible, but I just cleared my mind, so its not, at least for a bit.
When I first started doing this, my filing cabinet was so packed it was ridiculous and I, for some reason, could not always put everything in the trashcan. I also had a rather difficult time thinking on nothing for a while, even though I supposedly just emptied my mind. I would instead repeat whatever scripture I was memorizing to keep me focused. But after some time my drawers were not always so full and it got easier to just be quiet. I do this a lot, in the morning, at night if I can’t fall asleep and sometimes in the middle of the day when I am feeling overwhelmed.
This particular time God put back a couple of files that reminded me of how much I am blessed. He put back the important things that were lost in the chaos. I remembered my son earlier this week apologizing to me. It was the sweetest thing, one of those moments that make you feel so proud as a mom. He tends to be very emotional and sensitive. He has very high, highs and very low, lows. So since he was very little we have had to work on taking deep breaths and counting when he is angry, and other calming down exercises. Stopping and thinking before he acts has been more of a challenge for him than my other children because he is so emotional. He was very upset with me for making him do his schoolwork. He had said some unkind words to me so he was spending some time by himself thinking about what he said. When he was done he came right up to me and his words were just so sweet. He said, “Momma I am so sorry I said those mean things to you. I did not mean them. You know I get so angry sometimes and I was angry and I did not stop and think before I talked. I love you.” And he gave me the biggest hug. It was just one of those moments where you get to witness the fruits of your labor and it has come back to bless you.
Another moment from this week was with my oldest daughter. That girl has the sweetest heart. She is always helpful and thoughtful, but woe, this week she has had an attitude that is about to get her sweet self put in the penalty box. There has been eye rolling and this noise that I can’t type, every time I ask her to do something. What is that? I am sure it has a bit to do with her age and hormones and all that but oh my goodness, Lord help me.
I was tucking her into bed one night and I asked her what was going on. She sadly and honestly said I don’t know. I asked her if there was anything she needed to talk about, anything that we needed to work out between us. She shared with me a couple of things that she was worrying about but then she told me again that she really didn’t know why she had such and attitude but she noticed it and did not like it. I prayed with her and told her that scripture helps me turn my bad attitudes around. The next day she came to me and told me that she read her bible before bed but nothing she read was helping her attitude. She asked me if there were any verses that I knew of that would help her. Isn’t that just beautiful? I love that she went to the scripture, I didn’t tell her to, I just told her what works for me. I love that she came to me with that question and that she did not give up when she didn’t find something in scripture right away. I love that she wants to be better. That moment was worth all the eye rolling.
Ladies, God knows what you need. He also knows when you need it. But are you ready for it? Is it too noisy for you to hear? I don’t mean the noise of your kids running around yelling and being crazy. I mean you, your mind, does it have so much clutter in there that you can’t hear or see what God is doing for you; that you can’t see the blessings? Stop and be still. Clean out the clutter, even if you can only do a little bit at a time. Start somewhere. Maybe your file cabinet is the tall five-drawer kind and a couple drawers might even have padlocks on them. Well, start with one that isn’t locked and work on one drawer at a time. It is amazing how much clearer you hear God with out all the clutter in the way. It also becomes easier to trust God with those hard to reach files or the drawers that are padlocked when you see what He does with the files you gave Him.
I really needed one of those moments. I was sick again; which was irritating. My kids were being very good, I was just not feeling well and needed to just be, I didn’t really know what, but I needed it. I needed to not have to worry about making dinner, cleaning it up, putting kids to bed. My husband was out of town again so I was manning the home front on my own. I was exhausted. I also was trying to finish a term paper for my class, which was seriously tasking my brain. My plan was to get the kids all tucked in and sit down to work on my blog, which ended up being impossible. My brain could think on nothing except for proving that God exists, which was my term paper.
In the middle of what felt like the impossible my husband called, he was just getting in from dinner and settling in for the evening. He listened to me cough up a lung over the phone and during the pauses I explain that I was not feeling better and my plans for getting my paper done were not looking good. He suggested that I just put everything aside and take a bubble bath. The kids were all in bed and relaxing in the tub was what he thought I needed.
Usually I read when I am in the tub but being that my brain was working overtime I thought I should probably not add to it. Instead I did this meditation exercise that I do. I honestly do not know if this example is something I made up on my own or if I read it somewhere but it works for me and so I claim it as my own now. What I do is I close my eyes, take some relaxing breaths and then I picture a filing cabinet. It is a little black beat up two-drawer filing cabinet with silver handles and under the handles is a little silver square with a white card in it. After I get that in my head I picture a trash can next to it. My trashcan is one of those big round plastic ones that you use out in the yard; it is gray with handles on it, no lid though. Then I picture my hand opening the bottom drawer of the filing cabinet and reaching into the drawer pulling out all the files and throwing them in the trashcan. Sometimes I really have to stick my arm way back in there to get some files that are kind of stuck to the back. Then I close that drawer, open the top drawer and clean that one out as well. I then shut the drawer and I give the trashcan to God. I tell God, “This is all that was in my mind, I have cleaned it out and it is all yours. Put back what you would like, but Lord, fill me up with what you want in my mind.” Then I just sit in nothingness for a bit, which I know seems impossible, but I just cleared my mind, so its not, at least for a bit.
When I first started doing this, my filing cabinet was so packed it was ridiculous and I, for some reason, could not always put everything in the trashcan. I also had a rather difficult time thinking on nothing for a while, even though I supposedly just emptied my mind. I would instead repeat whatever scripture I was memorizing to keep me focused. But after some time my drawers were not always so full and it got easier to just be quiet. I do this a lot, in the morning, at night if I can’t fall asleep and sometimes in the middle of the day when I am feeling overwhelmed.
This particular time God put back a couple of files that reminded me of how much I am blessed. He put back the important things that were lost in the chaos. I remembered my son earlier this week apologizing to me. It was the sweetest thing, one of those moments that make you feel so proud as a mom. He tends to be very emotional and sensitive. He has very high, highs and very low, lows. So since he was very little we have had to work on taking deep breaths and counting when he is angry, and other calming down exercises. Stopping and thinking before he acts has been more of a challenge for him than my other children because he is so emotional. He was very upset with me for making him do his schoolwork. He had said some unkind words to me so he was spending some time by himself thinking about what he said. When he was done he came right up to me and his words were just so sweet. He said, “Momma I am so sorry I said those mean things to you. I did not mean them. You know I get so angry sometimes and I was angry and I did not stop and think before I talked. I love you.” And he gave me the biggest hug. It was just one of those moments where you get to witness the fruits of your labor and it has come back to bless you.
Another moment from this week was with my oldest daughter. That girl has the sweetest heart. She is always helpful and thoughtful, but woe, this week she has had an attitude that is about to get her sweet self put in the penalty box. There has been eye rolling and this noise that I can’t type, every time I ask her to do something. What is that? I am sure it has a bit to do with her age and hormones and all that but oh my goodness, Lord help me.
I was tucking her into bed one night and I asked her what was going on. She sadly and honestly said I don’t know. I asked her if there was anything she needed to talk about, anything that we needed to work out between us. She shared with me a couple of things that she was worrying about but then she told me again that she really didn’t know why she had such and attitude but she noticed it and did not like it. I prayed with her and told her that scripture helps me turn my bad attitudes around. The next day she came to me and told me that she read her bible before bed but nothing she read was helping her attitude. She asked me if there were any verses that I knew of that would help her. Isn’t that just beautiful? I love that she went to the scripture, I didn’t tell her to, I just told her what works for me. I love that she came to me with that question and that she did not give up when she didn’t find something in scripture right away. I love that she wants to be better. That moment was worth all the eye rolling.
Ladies, God knows what you need. He also knows when you need it. But are you ready for it? Is it too noisy for you to hear? I don’t mean the noise of your kids running around yelling and being crazy. I mean you, your mind, does it have so much clutter in there that you can’t hear or see what God is doing for you; that you can’t see the blessings? Stop and be still. Clean out the clutter, even if you can only do a little bit at a time. Start somewhere. Maybe your file cabinet is the tall five-drawer kind and a couple drawers might even have padlocks on them. Well, start with one that isn’t locked and work on one drawer at a time. It is amazing how much clearer you hear God with out all the clutter in the way. It also becomes easier to trust God with those hard to reach files or the drawers that are padlocked when you see what He does with the files you gave Him.
Lord, help me to be still. Give me the wisdom to know when I need to just stop and empty out the clutter. Give me a stronger faith Lord, so that I trust you with my padlocked clutter. Thank you for the moments that bring me warmth and smiles and thank you for the reminder of them when I need it. You are an awesome God, there is no one like you. You are my refuge and my strength an ever-present help in trouble.
This was so sweet, Courtney. I loved the two stories about you kids and what a great way to picture getting all the junk out! Great post!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing! This is what I needed to hear when I feel overwhelmed. Sometimes we don't know what we have until it's put into perspective. Loved it! -Ashli Rouw
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