Choose your battles

”Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” Efesians 6:4

During school hours the other day, my 5 year old son decided that he was going to teach his younger brother number recognition. He would write his first number then ask importantly; what number is this, Tyler? When receiving the wrong answer, he would get impatient and then write another number. But the more he got frustrated, the more crooked the numbers got, the less chance Tyler had to get it right. I finally walked over and seeing all the crooked numbers, I smiled and lovingly assured my 5 yr old that he too is just learning.

In times of great frustration with my boys, I wonder if sometimes God looks down at me and lovingly says "relax, you too are just learning".

How many times am I a little crooked in my example to them, yet I expect perfect results. For example, I want them to have good manners so I’m on them constantly; “Don’t run around, be quiet, sit still, eat all your food, use your napkin!” A sweet friend and babysitter once told me, “children are no statues, you know, especially boys”. Sometimes I make my preferences more important than training them in the weightier things of God. Of course, manners are important and a well behaved child is something to be desired but should it be more important than developing a godly character? Have you ever met an adult with impeccable manners and tact, very social and agreeable, than later found out the person had a moral failure of some sort. How much did that persons great manners on the outside matter then? It was an issue of the heart.
I suggest we choose our battles carefully with our children when they are in the early ages. Focus on the things that train their hearts to fear God and escape evil. Don’t make them (and ourselves) weary with continual exhortations to “keep quiet”, “say hello”, “be good” and a hundred other man made rules that make the outside nice and presentable but doesn’t profit the heart much. It’s the heart we want to shepherd and train in the fear of the Lord because that is the beginning of ALL wisdom.

Don’t misunderstand, I definitely desire great manners in my boys but I don’t want to put my emphasis on things that will come with age. I don't want to bark out constant commands, creating nervousness in my home instead of peace or hinder their happy yet sometimes loud childhood because of my preference for a quiet house.

The healthiest thing for a child to see is a parent who is relaxed and at peace with God. Sow Gods word into them by your example and leave the results up to God. When I’m “on” my boys too much, it’s usually due to an agenda I have for that day. I’d like to get somewhere by 11 so everyone has to get ready NOW and if they don’t, watch out! Instead of insisting on the things of God; peace, love, joy in the house, I try to make my agenda happen at all cost.

In those moments I found that putting myself in “time-out” for a while, does the trick. Gives me time to soak in Gods love to realign myself with His mission (receiving Gods love and giving it away) and it spares my family from me acting in the flesh.

And when I do fail, instead of beating myself up about my mess ups, I trust that this too can serve my children if I can be honest and humble about it. It shows them that mommy too is in need of forgiveness, a fellow sojourner just learning to walk close to God.

So lets choose our battles carefully with our children and if we are going to insist on anything, lets insist on being filled with God ourselves, giving them greater chance to "get it right" by our clear example of peace and calm in God.

”Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.” Colossians 3:21