An Open Letter to our Engaged Children,

As our son and daughter in law (to be) continue to make their summer wedding plans, I am in that overdrive mode of trying to impart with any last minute tools to make their marriage a success.  Drew and Kacie feel called to the ministry.  Because we too have been in ministry for almost 20 years I felt it important to make this reminder...

My Precious Drew and Kacie,

     As God continues to confirm His call in your lives, I pray you will ALWAYS be honest with the Lord and with each other.

      One of the most important lessons Greg and I learned (through watching my brother's separation and divorce, while he was pastoring) was the need to be honest.  Other lessons learned were; our marriage mattered far more than the ministry, and our children would inevitably feel the tremors of our honesty or lack there of.

      We made the decision to live honestly.  When our marriage hit hard times we would ask for help.  When we didn't know how to parent we would seek counsel by those we respected.  When ministry was more than we could bare we would take a break.

      Please never allow the position you've been called to usurp the call for honesty or help.

      Be assured I believe in you and in your marriage plans.  We are always here for you!  

I love you dearly! Mom

Don't miss the post below, you will be encouraged!

http://bobfranquiz.net/2014/04/where-does-the-pastor-go/

Just Being Honest…(A.K.A. Gut Honesty Part 2)

“Teresa, do you think the women your husband sees everyday at work, or on his way to work, or at the store are still wearing their pajamas?” OUCH!!! It was a timely word from a dear sister in Christ. You see, it was years ago, and my husband and I had just had our first baby.

Motherhood was nothing at all like I had expected. It was all-consuming. My heart was opened up to new areas of love that I did not even know had existed. Motherhood was the epitome of selflessness. My time was no longer my own.

BUT somewhere along the line, I had let motherhood overtake me. I no longer got dressed in the morning in cute outfits, or blow dried and curled my hair. I seldom put on make up anymore. Afterall, somedays I really didn’t have anywhere to go. Other days, I didn’t want to put on a pretty and put-together outfit only to have it spit up on.

INTERVENTION! A dear sister in Christ loved me enough to tell me the truth. My husband needed me to still take care of myself. He needed an attractive spouse just like I needed conversation. It may sound shallow, but it is true. Three kids later, my body has changed in more ways than I care to admit…just being honest! BUT I still make the effort to eat right, work out, get dressed, fix my hair, and put on some make up each day. I remember the loving admonishment of a friend years ago.

WHY? Because I can truly tell that my husband really appreciates it. In fact, he loves it. And to be honest, I do too. I feel better when I take care of myself. I feel like a better wife and mom when I take the time to tend to my spiritual and physical needs.

Afterall, check out Adam’s response in the Garden of Eden when he is first introduced to Eve, “This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh ; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man." 24 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife ; and they shall become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:23-24) My mentor couple used to say that Adam was like “WHOOOOA….Man” when he saw Eve. He was drawn to her physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

Ladies, your husband chose YOU. You do not have to compare yourself to other woman or try to be or dress like some else. I would, however, strongly encourage you to take care of yourself the way you used to when you were still aspiring to be his MRS.

I’m not encouraging vanity, BUT I am encouraging you to be a blessing to your hubby, and to take care of yourself. Just being honest…I am so glad that a dear friend loved me enough to give me this reality check years ago…Just figured I would pass along the favor. J

Have a blessed day, my friend!

Passages to consider:

Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.  Proverbs 27:6

10 A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. 11 Her husbandhas full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. 12 She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. 13 She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. 14 She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. 15 She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls. 16 She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. 17 She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. 18 She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. 19 In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers. 20 She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. 21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. 22 She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple. 23 Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. 24 She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes. 25 She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. 26 She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. 27 She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. 28 Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: 29 "Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all." 30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. 31 Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praiseat the city gate. Proverbs 31:10-31

Prayer:

Heavenly Father, we love you! Thank you for making each one of us so wonderfully unique. Thank you for making us in your image. Thank you for the gift of marriage. May we truly honor you and be a blessing to our husbands. Thank you for the truth found in your word. Thank you for the example of the Proverbs 31 woman. While she did not put her hope or faith in her beauty, she still took care of herself and her household, In doing so, she blessed her husband and honored you. May we do the same. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen. 

Gut Honesty...Part 1

“Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.” Proverbs 27:5-6

My husband and I had just finished making a batch of homemade chocolate cupcakes with chocolate buttercream frosting. The kids helped and dashed sprinkles on them as we prepared to decorate our Christmas tree. After dinner, we all sat down by the tree to eat a cupcake with a cold glass of milk. Except I noticed one little thing…my hubby only ate half of his cupcake. Thinking little of it at the time, I said nothing.

Later, however, I asked him what he thought of the cupcakes. His response was, “They were OK. I am all about the icing, and I didn’t really like the icing.” Hmmm, I thought. He said it so nonchalantly. This may sound crazy, but….I was a little sad that he didn’t like the cupcakes, but I was totally excited that he was HONEST with me about his feelings over something so small…at a time when he could have easily cooked up a “little white lie.”

I’m so glad he didn’t. You see, honesty is something that I value greatly. It is also an area in our marriage that has not always come easy. I was so excited to see God redeem the big and little areas of honesty in our marriage from deep confessions to simple matters of icing and cupcakes.

Mom, wife, daughter, sister, friend, I want to encourage you to be a woman of “gut honesty”. Be diligent to speak the truth in love, even in the small things, and watch how God will transform your relationships. Perhaps the best gift you can offer this Christmas season is a heart that is honest before God and your fellow man…or woman.

Merry Christmas!

P.S. This blog is written in honor of my friend Shannon. She has always been honest with me…even when it hurt. I am a better woman because of her friendship. She challenges me to be honest at all times. She leads by example. She is more than a friend; she is a sister. J

Raising Daniels

“Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego replied to the king, "O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up." Daniel 3: 16-18 (NIV)

It had been an extremely fun, but busy day for our family. Earlier that morning we decided to make a last minute trip to the beach with some friends and enjoy this summery, spring weather. With two small kids this is often no small feat. We had to gather swim gear, pack towels, blankets, chairs, umbrellas, and of course, lunch. On top of that we made a quick stop by my aunt’s house to pick up my little cousin who was on spring break. Then, we had to go to the grocery store to buy sandwiches, snacks, and sunscreen. It was an eventful day, and it was only 10 in the morning! Surprisingly although the sun was hot, the breeze was cold, and the water was even colder—perhaps this is why we stayed so long and literally baked in the sun.
Afterall, we “felt” cool the whole time.

After the beach, I realized that we needed to make another run to the store to buy stuff for dinner. Afterall, we could not buy it before because it would have gone bad in the car while we were at the beach. While we were in the store, I realized that we would have to make another stop to another grocery store because this store did not have a few key items that we needed. Once we made it to that second store, a shopping trip for a few items turned into shopping for a great deal of items because we were now shopping while hungry. LOL :) We were all tired. Oh yeah, did I mention that I am expecting, and I was beyond done for the day? So…as we gladly made our way to the car, I looked under the car-style shopping cart and realized that I had forgotten that I had placed a couple of items underneath the cart. Ahhhh! We needed to go back inside. I had a decision: Tell Publix I owed them next time we went to the store (this option was enticing)…or turn around right then with the kids and go back to pay for the “hidden” groceries. I chose the latter.

I know this is a small decision amidst the many larger ones in life, but this got me thinking about modeling right behavior for our kids even when we don’t feel like it, and when we think no one is watching. Well, we returned to the store to pay for the groceries, but there was no “Great job…what honesty Mom!” from the cashier. She simply looked tired and a bit annoyed. There was no congrats for doing the right thing and saving the store she worked for lost revenue, but still my kids were watching and they knew why Mommy was going back into the store yet again.

Linda Anderson did a segment on “Raising Daniels” in her Mom to Mom video series. She outlined the maturity of Daniel and his comrades from the Bible, and she highlighted that Daniel walked with integrity, honesty, and self-discipline. There was such a wealth of knowledge that she shared with us, and for the sake of time I will not go into all the details. But some of the main points were as follows:

• Integrity: model it and give your kids windows into your choices. Also, put positive peer pressure to work for you—get them involved in your church youth group, etc.
• Honesty: Put a high premium on it, and reward truth-telling even in the face of consequences.
• Self-discipline: Since “smaller disciplines prepare for bigger decisions”, help your kids practice delayed gratification and advance decision-making (i.e. help them establish a plan or guide post before they get into “the situation”). Give them the security of rules and boundaries and the reasons “why” when you can. Also, provide smaller consequences to prevent larger ones.

Last but not least, she reemphasized that we should model self-discipline in our own lives—with our time, money, eating, language, etc. So Mom, how are you doing? I know I could stand to brush up in a few areas. I often need to manage my time better. I tend to do too much too often. What about you? In what ways can you model integrity, honesty, and self-discipline to your kids?

Challenge: Reflect on your own life. Where do you need to improve? What windows to your choices can you let your children peer into?

Further reading: Daniel 3:1-30

Prayer:
Heavenly Father, you are perfect and full of love for your children. Help us to be imitators of you, not for our own glory, but for yours. May we grow in our integrity, honesty, and self-discipline. Please point out the ways in which we can model You to our kids and a watching world. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.