Last week I shared with you my desire to work on taming the tongue. I am so blessed by those who have agreed to join me and pray we are successful! In an effort to let our conversations be led by the Holy Spirit, we spent the last week working on THINKing before we speak:
I found that more often than not, I would do the THINKing after I spoke rather than before. I found myself rerunning conversations through my mind, making sure that my words honored God and going back to make it right if they did not. This is tough! So, I plan to keep working on this, realizing it's a marathon not a sprint.
This week I would like to focus on one particular topic of conversation, and that is how we speak to others about our husbands. Back when Rick and I were dating, he made a request. He asked that we not talk to any friends or family members about our arguments. It paints a bad picture of your spouse and once the anger and hurt feelings have passed, we go back to normal while the person we spoke to is left with that image of our spouse at his/her absolute worst.
We have both worked to commit to this, and have seen the fruit. With no one else to talk to, we have to talk to each other and work things out, we don't make things worse by venting and having someone agree with our one-sided version of events, and our friends and family members see us firsthand for who we are rather than who we become during those moments of an argument. Though there still may be times when we need to seek counsel from a fellow Christian, it's all in how you approach it.
For example, here are two scenarios for seeking counsel about the same problem :
"How do you keep the romance alive in your marriage? We could really use a little boost to spice things up."
vs.
"Bob just doesn't seem interested in me any more. He never takes me out on dates. He stopped opening the car door for me ages ago, and things in the bedroom just aren't what they used to be. Just the other day, he ....."
You can see where this is going. Let's be challenged this week to THINK before we speak to others about our spouses. Let's commit to building them up with our words and in times where we need help, take a
'less (said) is more' approach. If you are not currently married, this same principle can be applied to how you speak of your ex or current significant other you are dating.
Our children should see us building up our spouses with our words as well, rather than mocking, tearing down, rebuking, or contradicting them. If a disagreement/discussion is to be had, it is best to be had in private. If we want Daddy to be their hero and leader, let's speak words that follow and encourage that idea. And when we need a friend to talk to in our frustration, let's first take the problem to God in prayer, communicate directly with our spouse to resolve the issue, and if we still find a need for counsel, seek out a wise, like-minded sister and spend more time talking through the resolution and less about the problem. Amen?
I close this week with a Scripture that brings as much of a chuckle as a reality check. Thank you for joining me on this journey and challenge to honor God with our words.
Father, I confess I do not always tame my tongue and struggle in this area of my life. I want to honor You with all that I am and humbly ask for Your help. Please help me to put the principle of THINK before you speak into practice and make right any wrongs my words have caused. I ask You to help this week as I work on how I communicate to and about my husband. May I build him up with my words rather than tear him down by mocking, contradicting, or rebuking him- especially in front of our children. Please help me to come to You, first and foremost when I need a friend to talk through our problems with. I know that You are the Wonderful Counselor, and our help and hope is in You. In times when I seek wise counsel, please guide me to a like-minded believer and help me to state the area of need in a way that does not bash or degrade my husband. Please help me to use discretion and honor You in this area. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.
