Praying for you, Momma

Lord, I pray for moms who are in the trenches of training up their children.  These early years can be so stretching for us as we learn how to live out the principles in the Bible in front of our kids.  

God, as Your word instructs us I pray that we would instruct our kids from Your word as it is the lamp to our feet and the light to our path.  Let the fruit of the Spirit be evident in us as we make choices to stay self-controlled during those crazy moments, that we extend love and grace and speak encouragement to our children rather than lash out in anger and frustration.  

Lord, maybe if we’ve set the bar too high for our kids to reach sometimes please help us to keep a sound mind and reach them where they are at.  Let us stop drilling them with what they should have done but rather give thanks for the things they do.  Help us to stop everything and look at them in the eyes and let them see our eyes.  May we not miss the opportunity to give a high-five or hug but also not miss when a tear needs to be wiped away or boo-boo kissed and prayed for.  Help us to be firm, wise and always seeking Your counsel upon giving correction.  Help us keep our word.  

Be glorified in our mothering.  We desire to be at Your feet asking for the way, that we should walk in it.

Goal in Mothering

I printed this verse and have it in a place I see often so when I read it I am ministered to as it helps me remember the goal in mothering.

 

We planted pretty flowers in our front yard and have tried not to kill them right away.  However, some of them have perished despite the rich soil they are in and my concerted efforts to provide them the necessary water each day.  My steadfast determination made me not give up!  I remember as a little girl helping my mom plant flowers, tomatoes and beans in the garden.  At the end of the season we would take the marigold pouches after they had bloomed and then “died” and plant them next year. 

So in our small garden right before shower and bedtime I gathered some seeds, enlisted the help of our four year-old daughter, Jordan and started to plant them ALL over the place.  Then watered and prayed for them.   

I think I even surprised myself when I let her help me plant the seeds.  Just as in baking, it’s hard for me to let the kids help me do things that I could do in less time and neater.  But thinking back, I love the memories I have of washing the dishes with my mom and sister, gardening, pinning the clothes on the clothesline outside, and helping make macaroni and cheese from scratch.  Pushing our kids away just so it gets done perfectly neat and in an efficient manner of time, will not reap a rich harvest and it will limit our connection and the memories they could have for a lifetime.  Don't give up Momma.

Joy in the Burn

         My hair is not as thick as it once was but it is still coarse.  I remember as a small child before I could go to bed it had to be dried.  My mom had this “hair dryer” that was made up of several parts.  It was a large plastic base with a long thick tube attached to a very heavy (and big) shower cap.

Google Image

         The cap had elastic all around the face.  I would then sit on the floor and try to watch television. Between my three brothers jumping from couch to chair pretending to be wrestlers from Mid-Atlantic Championship Wrestling, and what seemed like extreme heat pumped into my head, I was miserable.

        

(Another Google Image - it isn't me,
but it is so how I felt!)

Aw the cost of beauty!

         As a high schooler, I was introduced to other vanity products for my hair.  Now I was using a blow dryer for my permed hair (remember I have coarse hair and I had a lot of hair.)  So to add the finishing touches to my bouffant, I would use the newly introduced curling iron.  This invention was a long barrel that would heat up and you would wrap your hair around the very hot barrel and the clip would hold it in place until you released it.

         My high school friends and I were constantly sporting new burns.  Due to the intense heat of the curing iron, we novice beauty “wanna-bes”, would accidentally push the iron against our chin, neck or our ears.  Even if my hair was looking TALL and big and dry and curly, often it was often overshadowed by the one or two burn marks silhouetting my face.

         All that to say… I’ve got burns again, this time on my hand.

         My precious high school junior is our only child at home.  She doesn’t have her big brother or sister to help her out.  She asks for my help with her new vanity inventions. 

         This past week our youngest asked that I help her with the latest “curling wand.”  It is a handle with a cone shaped barrel that heats up to give the user a ringlet effect.  Did I mention it doesn’t have a clasp?  Did I mention it heats up?

         So what do you do with the hair after you wrap it around the barrel of this very hot wand? Right!  You hold it!  Are you kidding?  You wrap the hair around the barrel and with your thumb and index finger so close you have to let go because of the heat.

         Poor design for sure. (You know it is bad when some of these curling wands come with a glove to prevent burns!)

         After helping our daughter look like Shirley Temple and she “bounced” off to school, I looked at my hands.  There were several reminders I had been burned that morning.  Burns that will more than likely fade into the growing amount of age spots.

         But if I am so lucky, I won’t mind if I have some scars.  Truthfully, these burns turned to scabs have made me smile this week.  They have been little reminders of the joys of motherhood.  Mothering has many opportunities and joys. I don’t have too many days left with a child in the home. 

           Regardless of the bumps in the road today as you mother, I pray the “leftovers” from the activity will bring a smile. Whether it is toys in the living room or a dirty ring in the tub.  Our days are numbered as a mom with children in the home.  As hard and redundant as the laundry and the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and the fighting and bickering with their siblings… Find the joy!

         Recognize that even if the crayon doesn’t come out of the drapes or the scratch won’t come out of the coffee table these will be your little “burns” to remind you of the joys of being a mom.

         So this day I can smile at the burn knowing it was worth it!

“This is the Day the Lord has made

let us rejoice and be glad in it!”

Psalm 118: 24

Simple Susan

Raising our children in the happy yellow beach bungalow only five houses from the beach has such sweet memories. Due to the proximity to what I called our “sandbox” we made many trips to the beach on foot.  Yes, it was best when they were small and I would pull the Radio red flyer wagon, laden with a picnic basket with peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and juice boxes.  Of course there would be sand buckets and shovels, rafts and towels.

(Google Search)

Yes, it was dreamy and gave us good memories, but I am forever grateful when I heard my best friend recount her growing up years as the baby of five children.  Catie recalled her mom taking them to the shore of New Jersey. Catie said her mom (Susan) would take her and the four siblings to the beach and they would each be given a towel if they wanted one.  Susan would allow them to take buckets, sand toys, and buggy boards if they liked.  They could take snacks and drinks too.  The catch was this; they had to be responsible for their own things.  If they wanted something, they had to carry it down the to shore themselves and bring it back themselves.

This story had many teaching points for me.  The obvious, that our children learn to be responsible for their own things.  It was a growing moment for Catie and her siblings to evaluate what was important to them.  Another point I observed was it is wise as a parent to let go of trying to do it all.  There are other nuances to this story Catie recounted to me, but to me the paramount point is the need for simplicity.

I have struggled throughout my parenting of making situations difficult.  Even pulling our children and all our things in the red flyer, did I mention I was carrying beach chairs too?  Did I mention that although only five houses from the beach there was a final plunge at the end of the street that would take us to sea level? (Translated at the end of our time at the beach, I would have to pull all the children and their wet tired sandy selves, all the aforementioned items and beach chairs up that hill?)

No, I’m not complaining, I’m only painting the picture of a mom who may have brought the neighbors to their picture windows to watch me haul all my stuff back from the beach.  In retrospect, I’m sure I looked like a pack mule coming back from Petra.

(Google Image)

Moms, lets keep life simple!  Yes, go to the beach.  Meet friends at the park. Treat yourself to Starbucks.  But don’t overthink it; don’t worry about a check-list to go.  If it isn’t in your diaper bag (or under a car seat) stop at Target or just head back home.  I don’t think the Lord meant our lives to be so complicated or structured.  Remember He placed Adam and Eve in a Garden and it was very good!  

(Matthew 11:30 - Google Image)

Really?!? Mother's Day in August!

         Mother’s Day has always been one of my favorite holidays!  Even though I personally have only celebrated 24 of them, I began to love Mother’s Day in May 1970.

         My youngest brother, Neal was born in May just in time for Mother’s Day.  His birthday actually lands on the actual date on occasion.  Six years my junior I saw Neal as the prized gift any mother would celebrate!

        

Google Image

Mother’s Day this year should have been one of my best.  I was with my mother in the morning.  We then drove the 333 miles through two states to celebrate with my mother in law that evening.  Being with both of these special ladies was truly a blessing.

         However, what happened along the 333 miles was by far one of my low points in mothering.  No, I couldn’t discuss it with you then.  It was too fresh and I couldn’t put into words my hurt, but suffice it to say it wasn’t fun trying to correct, discipline and train our youngest by phone over 700 miles away.

         This week as we have wrapped up our last official week of summer I couldn’t be happier.  We have enjoyed a super relaxing summer.  Our son has graduated, gotten married and set up his home just around the corner.  Greg and I have taken some time off and have been able to travel. We feel lavished in joy as our oldest quickly approaches her third year of marriage. 

         This week as I shopped alone with our youngest, for school supplies and uniforms it felt like what I think Mother’s Day should feel like.  She was very appreciative for all that we were able to do and see and buy.  We chatted like old friends on a front porch swing and we laughed like schoolgirls on the playground.

         It was the reality check that sometimes holidays and “every days” don’t go as we expect or planned.  When we do enjoy a day of less stress and more joy we can make them the “Mother’s Day” of the moment. I think I will drop my expectations of special occasions and see each day as the potential to be just that.  When a ordinary day becomes an extraordinary day I will revel in it and give it the honorary “Mother’s Day” award!  

Wisdom from above

James 3:17-18 “But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy.  Now the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.”

I have these verses written on a note card on the fridge right where I fill up our cups with water – a million times a day.  This time I was filling up a canister to make our daily Tang (a staple in our household).  Since I was there a while I read the verses and thought, “Am I displaying the wisdom from above in these ways?”  Immediately, I was convicted, yet with the conviction came the marching orders for the day – “Lord, please help me to rely on You so I can be these things in my mothering.  I desire to display this wisdom from above today.”

There’s so much more I could say (and would love to go into) about these amazing verses but I will leave you with one of my favorite pastor’s sayings.  Pastor Don Dukes used to lead the prayer meetings at our church and he would give us a benediction that went something like this: “Tonight you came in here in pieces, but now you can leave in peace.” 

This is our prayer:  May the peace of God rule in our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus our Lord. And we ask for this precious wisdom so we can model the very characteristics of God to our children today.  May our kids glorify and praise the God who made them and offers them this peace.  We need Your help, Lord to carry out the calling on our lives today.

Who do you say that I am?

Matthew 16: ¹³ When Jesus came to the area of Caesarea Philippi, he asked his followers, “Who do people say the Son of Man is?”

¹⁴ They answered, “Some say you are John the Baptist. Others say you are Elijah, and still others say you are Jeremiah or one of the prophets.”

¹⁵ Then Jesus asked them, “And who do you say I am?”

¹⁶ Simon Peter answered, “You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.”

         A friend whose wife will be having her 50th birthday celebration this week contacted me.  He has invited her friends to share why Kim has been a blessing to each of us.  I thought my comments were worthy of noting in Parakaleo this week.

Google Image

         Unbeknownst to Kim she has made a huge impact on me.  When we met almost 25 years ago, you two were a few years further into this “marriage thing.”  In fact God had already blessed you with little “Lukie.”

         Greg and I were in awe of the way you loved each other and loved little Luke.  We were thrilled Kim became pregnant with your second child and we with our first.

         During that time, our hearts broke as you were deployed to Operation Desert Storm.  We felt sadness for your family and pain for what we prayed would only be a temporary separation.  It was our desire to “help” you while you were serving us.

         Kim was an amazing young trooper.  As she continued to work on her higher education, hold down her position as a single mom and patiently await the arrival of your second child she reflected Christ is such a way that He was getting the glory.

         I remember specifically asking her if she felt like she was carrying too big of a burden.  In humble confidence she said something to the effect that she had understood what was being asked of her as you two pursued a career in the military and she was only doing her part. She said it was a daily trust that God was watching you as you served our country.

         We watched as Kim responded to every day circumstances with peace and a positive attitude.  Kim is hands down one of the most kind people I know.

         As our first was born I became acutely aware of how hard Kim was working as a single parent.  Then your baby Rebecca was born, with the help of another deployed husbands wife in the delivery room.  We loved having Lukie in the home with us while waiting to see Kim and Baby Becca.

         Kim was a beautiful picture of peace as she single parented the children until your return.  She never seemed ruffled or anxious or scared.  I am grateful I have these memories of your wife.

         Although we are not in contact regularly the legacy of what you lived continues to bless and guide my path as both a wife and a mom!

Google Image

         Moms, I wonder what people would say of us?  No we shouldn’t be looking for the approval of man based on our actions and responses to our circumstances.   One day we may be given a surprise party and letters may be written.  What will they say of you?