Second Chances

This blog post is written by a friend of my named, Julie. She and her family are going through a tremendous trial. Her newborn was born with certain complications and is unable to breathe or eat on his own. He has been in the NICU for about two months, but I know you will be encouraged by how she and her family are choosing trust in an ever-faithful God as they walk through their pain, fears, and heartache. Please lift this family up in your prayers. I know this blog post will encourage you, just as it has encouraged me. Please feel free to follow Julie and her family's journey with Baby Jethro at www.happyhomefairy.com.

When I was in 10th grade, I completely messed up a research paper that was probably the biggest grade I’d get in English class that year.

The teacher took me aside and gently told me the ways in which I had failed to complete the assignment and I began crying enough tears to fill a swimming pool.

But as I sat there with my cheeks all wet and thinking that I would never be asked to move up to the 11th grade, my teacher (who happens to be a famous author and blogs over HERE) said that she would let me have a second chance.

If I redid the assignment correctly, she’d toss the other paper and it would all be like a bad dream.

Second chances…

When we got pregnant with the Happy Baby one thing that kept marching through my brain was this thankful spirit that the Lord was giving me a second chance.

You see, with the Happy Buddy, I was a hot mess the whole first year of his life.

I fretted constantly about his growth (is he gaining enough??), his nursing (what if my milk supply dwindles and I have to put him on formula?!), his schedule (I can’t possibly go to church today because it might interfere with his nap), his health (did that stranger really just kiss my baby on the cheek?!), his pacis falling on the floor (I wonder what kind of deadly disease is now lingering on that MAM), his diaper rashes (should I be doing cloth diapers?), his first foods (is he going to die if I don’t feed him organic?), his sleeping (will he remember that we let him cry-it-out and hold it against us forever?), his playing (why hasn’t he rolled over yet? So-and-so-friend’s baby is practically walking already!), what kind of soap I used for his baths (I’d never read ingredient labels for soap until I had a kid)…

But then I worried about bigger issues, too (hello vaccinations). Almost to a point where I felt paralyzed by the fear.

The fear that I would make a decision and somehow ruin the Happy Buddy forever.

By the time the Happy Buddy turned one I looked back and felt kind of sick to my stomach that I had missed out somehow.

I had spent so much time being anxious that I don’t fully remember the moments where I just plain enjoyed his sweet baby-ness.

I could not wait to get a do-over. Another baby that I could say, “Eat artificially colored M&M’s and greasy pizza for all I care, just let me kiss those chubby cheeks a hundred million times a day.”

Naturally, when the Happy Baby arrived and before I could even kiss his precious cheeks twice the doctors were whisking him away uttering phrases like, “It could go either way…”, I had the thought What about my second chance?

And then the days turned into weeks and suddenly the fears I had about the Happy Buddy seemed kind of silly in light of the obstacles the Happy Baby was already facing at the beginning of his life.

Suddenly I didn’t care so much that the NICU uses Johnson & Johnson soap for bath times.

Suddenly I didn’t care so much when the doctor said they needed to start adding formula to my breastmilk because he’s breathing so fast and burning so many calories he needs the extra boost to help him grow.

Suddenly vaccinations seemed like a walk in the park when we were faced with the decision to put the Happy Baby on chemotherapy-powered drugs for 6 long weeks to try and fight this virus.

Suddenly the things I am anxious about are more about how no one is there to hold him in the middle of the night, respond to his every cry, stroke his hair back, turn his mobile on, or hold his paci in place for hours at a time just because it makes him happy.

And when I am with him, I study every single God-painted feature on his sweet little face is and consider how precious each of his tiny toes and fingers are.

I drink in his smell, thank Jesus for every diaper change, and cherish the feel of his peach-fuzzed earlobes.

I hold him and sing to him and find peace in the moment that is ours.

When I am with the Happy Baby there is no time to think about the long-term consequences of all that he’s endured the last 5 weeks.

Because I’ve learned that I have no control over the outcome of the Happy Baby’s life.

No amount of organic food I ate during my pregnancy could have made a difference in how the Lord designed the Happy Baby and this season of our lives right now.

With the Happy Buddy I had let my pride rule my faith – bearing this unnecessary, strangling burden for every single decision.

Jesus says parenting is a whole lot easier than that (check out Matthew 11:30).

Now don’t get me wrong.

I am not saying to throw all caution to the wind and let your child eat chicken nuggets, fries, and chocolate milk every day (although if your baby is in the NICU for an extended period of time, this action might be unavoidable), stay up late every night, and exist without any boundaries whatsoever.

I am also not bashing my sweet cloth diapering or organic-food-growing friends. I’d totally do cloth if I wasn’t so addicted to convenience and I try to buy organic whenever our budget allows.

You must find what’s best for your Happy Home (and never judge another Happy Home that may choose to do things differently than you).

What I am saying is that while making well-educated, prayerful choices for our children is super important (you can bet the Happy Hubby and I have been on our knees about every little thing we’ve chosen to pursue concerning the Happy Baby’s health), when we let ourselves be overwhelmed by the responsibility, we take our eyes off of Christ and the very fact that our kids are not our own.

They belong to Him.

We are not in control.

This is the second chance I have been given.

To choose to treasure the time I do have with my baby – however long it may be – and not be afraid of what the future holds.

Because He is God’s child.

A child who was fearfully and wonderfully made by the very hands of Christ, who had all the days ordained for him written in His book before one of them came to be (Psalm 139).

A child who is covered by the promise that God has good plans for his life – plans to prosper him and not to harm him. Plans to give him hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11).

And I’m pretty sure that whether or not he wears cloth diapers is going to change that.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart

and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways acknowledge him,

and he will make your paths straight.

Do not be wise in your own eyes;

fear the Lord and shun evil.

This will bring health to your body

and nourishment to your bones.”

Proverbs 3:5-8

*Update – God has blessed us with good progress this week! The doctor took the Happy Baby’s Superhero Hat away (phew) and he is now on a high air flow machine. We are praying that he will be weaned of that soon. He continues to seem stronger each day – a credit to our great God. Next week they will repeat the swallow test to see if he is strong enough to nurse/take a bottle again (please pray for victory in that!). We are also waiting on some test results in order to move forward with a diagnosis. Thank you, everyone, for your prayers and support. I am eternally grateful for the strength your faith has given mine!*

 

VISION OF LOVE

VISION OF LOVE

A dedication to my friends and family

My son woke up from nap time with a fever. Being that we have 3 kids it was just another day in the Pierce household. You know, we were planning a date that evening, had a sitter, everyone was fine all day and at 4:30 pm the inevitable happened. After contemplating what this mysterious bug was going to turn into we called off the sitter and prepared for a restful night with the family instead. Little did I know all this would soon change!

Proverbs 16:9    In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.

My husband went on a Publix run at about 9:30 pm. everyone had gone to bed and the fever had long been broken by the Motrin given at 6pm. I was resting on the couch going through the mass of e-mails awaiting my response when I heard a strange noise. The house was quiet but the noise wasn’t distinct enough to make out and I semi-ignored it looking around as if to point out where and what I had heard by process of elimination. There it was again. My kids talk in their sleep, surely it was some dream that brought them to far off places in the imagination of a child. No, there it is again! It was at this point that I arose from my comfortable place on the couch and said to myself I better check on D.J., though I was sure he was fine. I went upstairs slowly and found his back to me in his bed. He was making a horrible grunting sound and that’s when it hit me that things were severely wrong.

Isaiah 41:10   So do not fear, for I am with you; 
                                     do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
                           I will strengthen you and help you;
                                     I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

My son was flaccid, burning hot, unresponsive, and had grunting respirations! I ran him downstairs not really believing what was happening. I tried to arouse him but there was no movement. I laid my son on the couch on his back. His respirations sounded worse. His eyes were rolling side to side and back, his body was postured in toward his core, and again came the grunting sound as he attempted to breath.  My heart raced as all the years of training as a paramedic and RN raced through my head. I performed a sternal rub-no response, is he incontinent-no so I crossed off a seizure, is it epiglotitis-God please no!! I called my husband; my hands shook as I attempted to dial the phone. I frantically demanded he leave the groceries and come home. I began to search around for the thermometer, unable to find it I ran to the freezer and placed ice packs under his neck and in his armpits-no response. I was terrified as his lifeless body lay there. I begged him to “talk to mommy, baby” I screamed DJ what felt like a billion times with no sweet sound exiting his lips. As I begged God to spare my son and help me to help him his breathing took a long pause. I felt like I was looking down at a scene played out in my head over and over when I was a medic only this time it was happening to me. I couldn’t wait anymore and I called 911. While I was on the phone I begged the dispatcher to please get them here faster! All I could say is DJ talk to mommy and Oh God please don’t take my baby!!!

Psalm 116:1  I love the LORD, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy.

As my husband arrived just before the comforting sound of the sirens he grabbed my son’s lifeless body and ran him out to the rescue truck. All I could do is stand in the middle of my living room as if I was frozen. My mind attempted to make sense of all that had just happened but I couldn’t fathom it. I noticed my 11 year old standing to the right crying and shaking but I couldn’t hear sound. I snapped out of this state in time to ask my neighbors who had come to see what had happened to stay with my kids and rush out the door to follow the rescue vehicle. My street had become a spectacle of fire trucks, rescue vehicles and police cars all lit up as if a carnival were outside my door. I jumped in my car and attempted to follow the rescue truck that was going full speed with lights and sirens. As I drove my heart raced, my hands shook, and my mouth spoke. It’s amazing what comes out of your heart to God when your entire body is encompassed with fear! “God, please God, don’t take my boy! Please God!! Please” is all I can remember. The mother in me searched for some way to help and my mind went straight to Kate! I know I can trust Kate to spread the word and start a prayer chain. That was my only hope. I can’t imagine what she thought on the other end and I still have no idea what I said to her but my heart cried out for prayer. When I arrived at the hospital it had been almost an hour since I had first heard the haunting grunting sound. My son was in my husband’s lap in a bed. His eyes met mine and though he wasn’t responsive enough to talk yet I felt my adrenaline pour down and thanked God for His undying mercy on my family!!

God’s grace showed up next even more then I could have imagined. My son began to talk and said “Mommy I’m scawed” “What are you scared of baby” I responded. “There’s a mommy ghost right over there and I’m scawed!” As he pointed to the corner of our emergency room my mind again raced. God are you here? I thought! My husband began to pray and as we finished more miracles! Kate’s husband entered the room with Bible in hand. Surprised, we thanked him for coming so fast! Mind you it was now 10:30pm! I felt cherished and unworthy of such attention! But then my mom too walked in and I was told by the nurse that Fran and Franci were waiting outside. I felt bad for causing a stir but what an amazing feeling of love that overcame me! These people all have families! It’s late, they drove all the way here just for us?! I felt an amazing love, a Jesus love, as if He Himself were reaching down from heaven to hug me. I talked with my selfless friends and they cried for me and held my trembling hands.  I thanked God for His mercy, for these angels of friends, for showing Himself, for loving me with through His people, for their willingness to respond, for my husband who knew how to calm me, for the rescue workers, for the dispatch lady who kept me on the phone knowing I would go crazy with all my thoughts, for my neighbors, for my family! Amazing Grace!!  I will never forget what happened that night but I will also never forget how God’s loves us through any circumstance! Philippians 1:3  I thank my God every time I think of you!!

^{Ephesians 3:17-18   17} so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, ¹⁸ may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ,¹⁹ and to know this love that surpasses knowledge —that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.