Reactionary Parenting

“Ahhhhhh! Everyone just shut up!” Yes, that actually came out of my mouth towards my little ones. I am not proud of it. I was tired. No scratch that; I was exhausted. I was spiritually and emotionally fatigued with my kids: whining, slow obedience, settling disputes between my boys, consoling my teething baby, making meals, cleaning up after meals, taking my toddler to the potty…the list goes on and on. Let me say it again, I was exhausted.

As a result, I lost my cool. What should have resulted in a simple, direct, loving, but firm consequence was traded for an emotional outburst on my part. Mommy needed a time out. Mommy needed to go to a different room and talk (out loud) to God. I needed to do three things:

1. Cast my cares upon him, and ask for his Holy Spirit to fill me up.
2. Pray for my kids, and ask for forgiveness.
3. Disciple on!

Moms, God’s word declares that we are supposed to cast our cares upon him because he cares for us. God already know what we are thinking, so we might as well tell him, ask for his peace, and leave the situation with him. Instead, I think we often run around mentally fatigued because while we are multi-tasking our minds are in several other places trying to figure out other problems that are totally unrelated to the many things we are currently working on. Whew!

We also need to ask for the Holy Spirit to fill us each day. So many days I get up and proceed with the affairs of the day and training up my kids for him without putting on the full armor of God described in Ephesians 6. I sometimes feel like the Holy Spirit is the forgotten third party of the Christian faith because we so often forget to ask for his help. There is a reason why the Jesus told his disciples not to go out and spread the Good News into all the world until they received the promised Holy Spirit. Without the Holy Spirit, all the wiring is there, but the electricity is not on—he is our power source.

Next, I needed to pray for my kids—not just a change in their behavior, but a change in their heart. I want them to embrace truth. I want to feed their character. I needed to model the character I am trying to instill in them (eh hem…self-control being one of them). Soooo, I also needed to ask God and my kids for forgiveness.

Lastly, I needed to accept God’s grace and disciple on, realizing that effectively discipling my kids meant that I would need to be purposeful and intentional. I needed a plan. My husband and I had to regroup and pray about precisely what consequences would follow certain negative behaviors. We need this plan to keep us focused on the mission of discipleship without being exasperated by our kids. We needed to be lovingly consistent. We needed to be proactive versus reactive.

A reactive parent simply responds to a kid’s actions based on their feelings at the moment. This could often lead to unintended and harmful results because we run the risk of letting our emotions carry us away. Being a proactive parent, however, is intentional, thoughtful, and self-controlled. This type of mom (or dad) is not easily swayed by a rebellious outburst, but remains in control of herself. I want to be that kind of mom, don’t you?

Prayer:

Heavenly Father,

You are the perfect example of a loving parent. You care for us so much. You are so intentional with us. You know our thoughts from afar. Please fill us with your Holy Spirit. May we model you to our kids. May we thrive as parents because of your great grace, and may we be full of the fruit of your Holy Spirit.

In Jesus’ name we pray, Amen.

Verse to consider (and apply): But the fruit of the Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things. Galatians 5:22 (NLT)

Passage to read: Ephesians 6:10-20

A Woman of My Word

Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' 

and your 'No,' 'No'; 

anything beyond this 

comes from the evil one. 

- Matthew 5:37

Lately the Lord has highlighted an area I need to correct in my life. With the craziness of having two very active boys, and being three months pregnant,  I have learned that my memory is going and many times I agree to something and later forget about it. On the flip of that, I have also said, to my kids, there would be a consequence for a behavior done away from home and later forgotten about that too. This bothers me. I don't want my boys to remember back to their childhood and think, "Oh Mom never followed through with what she said, and we could never count on her word for truth." That is a powerful thing to think about. Because we tell them the Truth of God as well and we want them to believe it is true when we share it, but if they have come to second guess our words then they may do that with the Lord as well. 

So Moms....with every problem in life we have two options: (1) to sulk OR (2) to solve. I have chosen the latter and decided to put a white board in my kitchen to write down my "commitments" to my children in order to be a woman of my word. I know that the Word of God says to let my yes be yes and I really want to strive for that in my life. It has been said many times, and is oh so convicting, that our children will look to us, as moms, as the standard for how wives and moms behave. I need to change. I want to look like Jesus...a Truth teller who impacts others because of his character!

Are you characterized by others as one who keeps your word and follows through?

How are you doing with keeping your "commitments" to your kids?

Do you let consequences go because it is easier?
Believe me...easier now but very detrimental later. I have learned this the hard way and am now backtracking to make up for my mistakes.

Do you sulk or try to solve issues that come up? 
Allow issues to be growing experiences....trust me someday the Lord will use your trials to encourage another! 

A Yellow Refrigerator and an Ole' Screen Door

         Greg and I had the joy of living 11 years in a home that was built the year I was born.  So it was well into its 30^th year when we moved in.

         It didn’t look like all the new homes it had its own character.  In fact we often heard the comment from those who would visit, “this looks just like the house I grew up in!”  We didn’t take these comments as a jab, rather we found them endearing.

         The house had beautiful original hardwood floors.  There was crown molding in every room (even in our closets.)  We lived five homes from the beach, so what would a beach house be without a paneled room. The two favorite characteristics of our 1960’s beach cottage were; the yellow refrigerator and the screen door on the carport entrance.

         Moms some of what we do every day is building character into our children.  Character is described as: The peculiar quality, or the sum of qualities, by which a person or a thing is distinguished from others. We teach them values that are important to us. We show them how to shake hands and look others in the eye.  We encourage them to be kind to their siblings and share their toys.  We teach them God’s Word and model how to apply it.

         That yellow refrigerator had character.  It didn’t look like the new sleek stainless steel side by side refrigerators.  Our yellow GE never needed to be serviced the entire time we lived there.  It had two big pull out drawers on the bottom for the freezer and swivel-armed shelves in the refrigerator.  The shelves were glass and the parts were all steel.

         Moms the character we are building in our children won’t look like every other family.  It will be unique and distinct to your household.

         The screen door with the spring closure always let me know someone was coming and going.  It made us smile to hear the spring pull.  It was familiar. It was dependable.  Just like the character we build in our babes.

         The character we are building in a Christian home should look a lot like our Savior, our Heavenly Father.  Your child has character just like our yellow refrigerator or our screen door. The point is not that others will feel less than. Rather, they will desire the character of Christ you have instilled in your little ones.

2 Peter 1:5 "...for this very reason--adding, on your part, all earnestness-- along with your faith, manifest also a noble character..."(WEY)