Be the Thermostat: Setting the Temperature of Your Home

My dearly loved brothers [and sisters], understand this: Everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger, for man’s anger does not accomplish God’s righteousness.” James 1:19-20

Raw emotions. Wow! They can be beautiful, but they can also be unruly…downright sinful. Jesus knew there would be times in this life where we would get angry. That is why he tells us, “In your anger, do not sin.” (Psalm 4:4; Ephesians 4:26) Jesus never said don’t get angry. There are things that should make us angry, but in our anger we should not sin. Jesus modeled righteous anger beautifully when he saw that people were turning his Father’s house (the temple) into a corrupt money exchange, he overturned those tables and chairs and stopped any and all transactions. Don’t believe me? Check out Mark 11:12-18.

However, if I am honest, my anger is not always righteous. Sometimes I am tired and I overreact. Sometimes I assume the wrong thing about my children or a friend. Sometimes I let my raw emotions get the best of me.

I was at a homeschool conference recently where a lady spoke on the importance of being the thermostat in our home, rather than being the thermometer. As you already know, the thermostat controls the temperature. On the other hand, the thermometer measures the temperature. The thermostat is proactive. The thermometer is reactive.

I have found that without a doubt, the BEST way to set the thermostat of my home is to get a head start on my kids. I NEED to wake up before they do and spend time with the Lord. I need to put my spiritual armor on just in case I need to go to battle for them or…dare I say it, against them (strong will coupled with immaturity).

In Lysa TerKeurst’s devotional, “Unglued: 60 Days of Imperfect Progress”, she addresses the difference between a reactor and a responder (similar to being the thermostat or the thermometer). She asks the reader several questions, and I am going to pass them along to you.  Ask yourself:

1. Do I want to escalate this conflict or dissipate it?
2. Do I want more trouble or more grace in my life?
3. Do I want to be known as harsh or gentle?
• A reactor/thermometer spews emotion or masters the silent treatment.
• A responder/thermostat gives a gentle answer.
4. Do I want to get me own way or help find a solution?
5. Which do I care about more—demanding my rights or displaying right choices?
• A reactor/thermometer demands her right to be right.
• A responder/thermostat is more concerned about making right choices before God.

Ladies, let’s be the thermostat of our home. Let’s follow the truth set before us in James 1: 19-20. Let us be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. Let’s take time to pause and channel our response through the Holy Spirit to make sure we are acting in a way that pleases the Lord, instead of spewing words and actions that we can not take back. Let us be silent and pray before we speak.

Let’s pray:

Lord, thank you that your Word contains every thing I need for living a godly life. May I follow the truth in your word and not lean upon my own understanding. May I make right choices before you. Fill me with your Holy Spirit that I may live a life pleasing to you…that I would leave a trail of love and not destruction in my wake. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.

“For God has not given us a spirit of fearfulness, but one of power, love, and sound judgement.” 2 Timothy 1:7

Crank It Up!

Let’s be honest. Sometimes as a mom you want to scream at your kids. You want to tell them how ungrateful they are being, how they need to get along with their siblings, stop complaining, be respectful, use kind words, keep their hands to themselves, clean up their own mess, etc. These are all good things that we should tell our kids, but if I’m honest…in my moments of deep frustration I want to snatch up ‘em and just yell the truth at them. As if that is what God is calling me to do…

Well, I know it’s not.  I would only end up saying things that I regret or in a way that I would regret…I would end me apologizing to my kids and feeling horrible for losing it and setting such a bad example. So, when those times come when I feel like I want to shout from the rooftops…I do…but in a healthy way….

I crank up the music and start dancing and praising God. Seriously, the kids join in and we all end up having our own Jam Fest in the living room…or in the car. If the truth be told, I needed to “get it out”. I needed to let go of my own junk, refocus on Jesus, and “press on” in the joy to which HE is calling me.

In those moments when I decide to “shout to the Lord” or make a joyful noise, I am exchanging the lie of the enemy (that yelling at my kids will somehow force them into submission and make me feel better all at the same time) for the truth of God (his grace is sufficient for my weakness and words aptly spoken are like apples of gold).

So fellow momma’ in Christ, let’s take the “no yelling, start praising” challenge together. Let’s choose to exhibit self-control and look to the Lord for our joy and strength as opposed to unleashing the ugly on our kids. They are watching our example. If your kids are yelling a lot…guess who they may be getting it from?

It is NEVER too late to change that. When we are feeling at our wits end, let’s crank it up and choose praise.

Prayer:

God, you are perfect and holy in all your ways. May we exhibit your Holy Spirit control when we are feeling pressed on all sides by our kids, our circumstances, or the storms of life. May our worship be sincere. May you be our rock of safety and our refuge for peace in the midst of life’s frustrating and challenging moments. May we press in to you, and choose not lean on our own understanding or justify our own sin. May we set YOU before us so that we will not be shaken.

In Jesus’ name we pray,

Amen.

Ready to Jam? Click on the link below:

http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=mandisa+overcomer&FORM=VIRE1#view=detail&mid=1717B535536ADFE200FE1717B535536ADFE200FE

My Child's Struggle REVEALS My Own Heart

Often my child's struggle reveals whats on the inside of my heart. It's as if their meltdowns are a highlighter underlining all the issues and illuminating them for me to see. As if there is a magnifying glass enlarging all my areas needing work. 

My own self-control - is the area HE is choosing to challenge me on this week. I preach "self-control" to my kids daily and yet that is the area I, myself, am lacking. With three very active and challenging kiddos, somedays I find myself losing patience and yelling out of frustration. 

It's a wild thing, but many times as my kids test the waters, it is what is on the inside of my heart that spills over. Oh especially on those days when my quiet time, with Jesus,  has been little to none.

I  need to bring my struggle before my Creator and ask for HIS wisdom and strength. Allow HIM to cleanse me and give a fresh new attitude as I start each day. That is when I am truly refreshed!

What does your quiet time look like?

Do you find yourself struggling more when you've missed your quiet time? 

What is HE highlighting in your life today that needs change? 

Ask HIM for help. HE longs for you to ask for HIS strength to uplift your tired and weary arms.

Reactionary Parenting

“Ahhhhhh! Everyone just shut up!” Yes, that actually came out of my mouth towards my little ones. I am not proud of it. I was tired. No scratch that; I was exhausted. I was spiritually and emotionally fatigued with my kids: whining, slow obedience, settling disputes between my boys, consoling my teething baby, making meals, cleaning up after meals, taking my toddler to the potty…the list goes on and on. Let me say it again, I was exhausted.

As a result, I lost my cool. What should have resulted in a simple, direct, loving, but firm consequence was traded for an emotional outburst on my part. Mommy needed a time out. Mommy needed to go to a different room and talk (out loud) to God. I needed to do three things:

1. Cast my cares upon him, and ask for his Holy Spirit to fill me up.
2. Pray for my kids, and ask for forgiveness.
3. Disciple on!

Moms, God’s word declares that we are supposed to cast our cares upon him because he cares for us. God already know what we are thinking, so we might as well tell him, ask for his peace, and leave the situation with him. Instead, I think we often run around mentally fatigued because while we are multi-tasking our minds are in several other places trying to figure out other problems that are totally unrelated to the many things we are currently working on. Whew!

We also need to ask for the Holy Spirit to fill us each day. So many days I get up and proceed with the affairs of the day and training up my kids for him without putting on the full armor of God described in Ephesians 6. I sometimes feel like the Holy Spirit is the forgotten third party of the Christian faith because we so often forget to ask for his help. There is a reason why the Jesus told his disciples not to go out and spread the Good News into all the world until they received the promised Holy Spirit. Without the Holy Spirit, all the wiring is there, but the electricity is not on—he is our power source.

Next, I needed to pray for my kids—not just a change in their behavior, but a change in their heart. I want them to embrace truth. I want to feed their character. I needed to model the character I am trying to instill in them (eh hem…self-control being one of them). Soooo, I also needed to ask God and my kids for forgiveness.

Lastly, I needed to accept God’s grace and disciple on, realizing that effectively discipling my kids meant that I would need to be purposeful and intentional. I needed a plan. My husband and I had to regroup and pray about precisely what consequences would follow certain negative behaviors. We need this plan to keep us focused on the mission of discipleship without being exasperated by our kids. We needed to be lovingly consistent. We needed to be proactive versus reactive.

A reactive parent simply responds to a kid’s actions based on their feelings at the moment. This could often lead to unintended and harmful results because we run the risk of letting our emotions carry us away. Being a proactive parent, however, is intentional, thoughtful, and self-controlled. This type of mom (or dad) is not easily swayed by a rebellious outburst, but remains in control of herself. I want to be that kind of mom, don’t you?

Prayer:

Heavenly Father,

You are the perfect example of a loving parent. You care for us so much. You are so intentional with us. You know our thoughts from afar. Please fill us with your Holy Spirit. May we model you to our kids. May we thrive as parents because of your great grace, and may we be full of the fruit of your Holy Spirit.

In Jesus’ name we pray, Amen.

Verse to consider (and apply): But the fruit of the Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things. Galatians 5:22 (NLT)

Passage to read: Ephesians 6:10-20