Life Lessons Taught

Matthew and Jordan enjoy playing Legos and Barbies.  While they play I have found great opportunities to teach some life lessons on what the Bible says about certain topics.  These topics usually include marriage, living together and what clothes are appropriate to wear.

In our present day, it seems as though some or all of these topics, if left untaught at home are left vague or skewed in the minds and hearts of our children.  Teaching them what is right in the eyes of the Lord is what our kids need as they are hit with opposing views all around them.  We can help them be confident when they are face to face with decisions about how to conduct themselves in the world we live in.

Lord, thank You for giving us Your Word as the lamp to our feet (and our kids' feet) and the light to the path You want us to go in.  Please help us to prepare our children to live in the world but not be sucked into the popular views held all around them.  Prepare their hearts to receive Your Word so they can live to give You glory.  In Jesus name, Amen.

Intentional Concentrated Attention

Our five year-old Matthew and I were up early the other day so we went for a brisk morning walk together and talked along the way.  His sister and daddy were still asleep when we returned home so we started breakfast together.  Then another day he saw me reading my Bible so he got his Illustrated Children’s Bible (New Testament) out and we read together from that.  Both of these cool moments were totally unplanned by me.   I feel honored when I get these concentrated opportunities with my son and I’m thinking he likes it too.

“My son, pay attention to my wisdom; Lend your ear to my understanding, That you may preserve discretion, And your lips may keep knowledge.” Proverbs 5:1-2

A friend gave me a great advice about “dating” my son.  She encouraged me to take just him out to eat and let him talk.  Speaking from wisdom she let me in on a thing or two about boys/guys – they talk over food.  Mommas, if we spend this concentrated time with our sons on a regular basis, they will be comfortable talking to us about anything… and probably setting them up to be able to communicate well with a wife someday, too.

I also witnessed this intentional concentration on one child at a time through my mother-in-law who was a foster mom of many children at a time.  She would set aside her schedule and the child’s schedule to spend that day dedicated to that child.  Usually it was just for a few hours or just to a certain place the child really enjoyed.  Come to think of it, she did this with me too when I was dating my husband, before marriage.  It’s a time to listen, encourage, listen, have fun, listen, observe, and oh did I mention to listen?

Leave a comment below if you do this and what benefits you’ve experienced as a result of purposefully concentrating time on the children in your care, one at a time.  

Marriage Fundamentals

I posted this blog on Facebook and had so many shares, I felt it may be worth posting here.  I don't know Frank or Karen, but I appreciate these 10 fundamentals they shared and believe its worth reviewing.  

http://eighthrising.com/2013/10/28/10-marriage-tips-every-wife-needs-to-hear/

NOTE:  I would add an "eleventh" point: Read the Word together! Romans 12 tells us to be transformed by renewing our mind.  When a husband and wife read together, they are united in a supernatural way.  They share intimacy with each other and their Creator in a way that aligns under His headship.  Ask your husband to wash you in His word.  A few minutes a day can be a game changer. 

 Enjoy!

Just Being Honest…(A.K.A. Gut Honesty Part 2)

“Teresa, do you think the women your husband sees everyday at work, or on his way to work, or at the store are still wearing their pajamas?” OUCH!!! It was a timely word from a dear sister in Christ. You see, it was years ago, and my husband and I had just had our first baby.

Motherhood was nothing at all like I had expected. It was all-consuming. My heart was opened up to new areas of love that I did not even know had existed. Motherhood was the epitome of selflessness. My time was no longer my own.

BUT somewhere along the line, I had let motherhood overtake me. I no longer got dressed in the morning in cute outfits, or blow dried and curled my hair. I seldom put on make up anymore. Afterall, somedays I really didn’t have anywhere to go. Other days, I didn’t want to put on a pretty and put-together outfit only to have it spit up on.

INTERVENTION! A dear sister in Christ loved me enough to tell me the truth. My husband needed me to still take care of myself. He needed an attractive spouse just like I needed conversation. It may sound shallow, but it is true. Three kids later, my body has changed in more ways than I care to admit…just being honest! BUT I still make the effort to eat right, work out, get dressed, fix my hair, and put on some make up each day. I remember the loving admonishment of a friend years ago.

WHY? Because I can truly tell that my husband really appreciates it. In fact, he loves it. And to be honest, I do too. I feel better when I take care of myself. I feel like a better wife and mom when I take the time to tend to my spiritual and physical needs.

Afterall, check out Adam’s response in the Garden of Eden when he is first introduced to Eve, “This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh ; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man." 24 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife ; and they shall become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:23-24) My mentor couple used to say that Adam was like “WHOOOOA….Man” when he saw Eve. He was drawn to her physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

Ladies, your husband chose YOU. You do not have to compare yourself to other woman or try to be or dress like some else. I would, however, strongly encourage you to take care of yourself the way you used to when you were still aspiring to be his MRS.

I’m not encouraging vanity, BUT I am encouraging you to be a blessing to your hubby, and to take care of yourself. Just being honest…I am so glad that a dear friend loved me enough to give me this reality check years ago…Just figured I would pass along the favor. J

Have a blessed day, my friend!

Passages to consider:

Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.  Proverbs 27:6

10 A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. 11 Her husbandhas full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. 12 She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. 13 She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. 14 She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. 15 She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls. 16 She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. 17 She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. 18 She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. 19 In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers. 20 She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. 21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. 22 She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple. 23 Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. 24 She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes. 25 She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. 26 She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. 27 She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. 28 Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: 29 "Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all." 30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. 31 Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praiseat the city gate. Proverbs 31:10-31

Prayer:

Heavenly Father, we love you! Thank you for making each one of us so wonderfully unique. Thank you for making us in your image. Thank you for the gift of marriage. May we truly honor you and be a blessing to our husbands. Thank you for the truth found in your word. Thank you for the example of the Proverbs 31 woman. While she did not put her hope or faith in her beauty, she still took care of herself and her household, In doing so, she blessed her husband and honored you. May we do the same. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen. 

Gut Honesty...Part 1

“Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.” Proverbs 27:5-6

My husband and I had just finished making a batch of homemade chocolate cupcakes with chocolate buttercream frosting. The kids helped and dashed sprinkles on them as we prepared to decorate our Christmas tree. After dinner, we all sat down by the tree to eat a cupcake with a cold glass of milk. Except I noticed one little thing…my hubby only ate half of his cupcake. Thinking little of it at the time, I said nothing.

Later, however, I asked him what he thought of the cupcakes. His response was, “They were OK. I am all about the icing, and I didn’t really like the icing.” Hmmm, I thought. He said it so nonchalantly. This may sound crazy, but….I was a little sad that he didn’t like the cupcakes, but I was totally excited that he was HONEST with me about his feelings over something so small…at a time when he could have easily cooked up a “little white lie.”

I’m so glad he didn’t. You see, honesty is something that I value greatly. It is also an area in our marriage that has not always come easy. I was so excited to see God redeem the big and little areas of honesty in our marriage from deep confessions to simple matters of icing and cupcakes.

Mom, wife, daughter, sister, friend, I want to encourage you to be a woman of “gut honesty”. Be diligent to speak the truth in love, even in the small things, and watch how God will transform your relationships. Perhaps the best gift you can offer this Christmas season is a heart that is honest before God and your fellow man…or woman.

Merry Christmas!

P.S. This blog is written in honor of my friend Shannon. She has always been honest with me…even when it hurt. I am a better woman because of her friendship. She challenges me to be honest at all times. She leads by example. She is more than a friend; she is a sister. J

Got a Jersey?

     Today I have visited with three ladies.  Great ladies.  They are leaders in their church, their schools, and their homes.  They all appear to be great wives and great moms and I’ll add great friends.

     But each of these ladies are struggling.  Struggling specifically in their marriages.  I understand.

Life

Is

Hard!

My response to all three was the same.

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     Without effort I can point the finger and blame my husband, I can express my disappointment for what he doesn’t do and be ungrateful for all that he does.  I challenged each of these gals to remember their husbands ARE NOT the problem.

     Our fights are NOT against them.  Our fights are against what we cannot see.

     I suggested to one of the gals that she create a “team jersey” for each member of her family.  I told her to consider wearing the jerseys as reminders that she and her husband are on the same team.  Whenever she needs help with chores around the house to put on her jersey and have the other family do the same to remind them they are on the same team.

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     I told her when she and her husband get in a squabble to put on the jerseys to remind them they are not fighting against each other.  The resolution isn’t to slug it out on each other but together they look for resolution.

      A bloody nose and black eyes should be given to the enemy not each other.  Don’t fight against your spouse fight with your spouse.

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Tough Questions

        I was recently at a conference where I was blessed to hear Anne Graham Lotz.  As is her typical package of teachings, she shared her three question approach to personal Bible study.

         Today, I listened as my husband shared of a friend who doesn't live here, but who is in ministry.  The friend confided in Greg, that he and his wife were steps away from divorce!  This information NEVER gets easier for our ears, emotions or spiritual core.  He went on to explain details of what publically appeared as an excellent marriage. He confided the details of their marriage including the years of a lack of intimacy.

         What’s a guy to say? I mean, where did this start?  How did they get to this place in their lives, their homes…their marriage?!?!  Just as Mrs. Lotz has a three point approach to study, we need to find an approach that works with our spouses and with other couples.

         We must learn to ask questions.  There can be more than three, but these questions should be based on a friendship, and filled with humility and a hunger to bring Christ’s healing and forgiveness.

         As you build the friendship, there needs to be an agreement of accountability. Questions may include: Are you having Bible study daily?  What are you currently reading?  Have you been to a doctor lately?  How are your finances?

         Today, I encourage you to ask your friend some tough questions regarding their marriage.  Your questions could include:  How would you describe your marriage?  How would your spouse describe it? How often do you argue? Are you and your husband satisfied with your relationship?  How can I pray for your marriage?

         These questions aren’t meant to invade another’s relationship, it is meant to help keep our marriages in check.  Mrs. Lotz said that her approach to Bible study opened up worlds of enlightenment.  Asking questions of those we care about, can help encourage and expose things in their marriages that can ultimately lead to marriages that bring glory to our Father.

Proverbs 12: 15

The way of a fool seems right to him,

but a wise man listens to advice.

         

Your Best Friend!

The prevailing theme the Lord has placed in my life since the first weekend in March has to do with our marriage.  I truly believe the best gift we can give our children apart from a strong spiritual foundation is that we love our spouse.

Some of the thoughts or questions I have been dealing with include:

1.    What am I “making light of” that is important to Greg?  For instance: he wants me to go with him when he is playing basketball and watch from the stands.  My knee-jerk response is to roll my eyes and shake my head. Responding with, “who does that?”  And, “why would he care?” Those questions don’t deserve my attention or an answer.  The answer is: this is important to Greg, so I need to make it important to me.

2.    He needs a companion.  For the very reason Adam needed Eve.  Genesis 2: 18 says "Then the Lord God said, It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him." Greg needs me.  The reality is we all need companionship.  What a blessing to be wanted!

3.    We seem quick to look for ways to make others lives easier, I need to look for ways to make Greg’s life easier.

4.    What does humility look like in our marriage?  Am I truly acting on serving Greg?  Do I consider what is better for him before myself?

5.    As we heard in the Real Marriage Conference, Am I being the friend Greg needs?  Would he say I was trying to be his friend? Or more specifically, Am I trying to be his best friend?

6.    Am I praying for Greg, seeing him as a brother in the Lord? Praying for him to love the Lord with all his heart, to seek the Lord, to obey the Lord and to stand firm in the face of temptation?

Girls, instead of focusing on our parenting this week, lets try focusing on our marriage!  Pray and ask the Lord how you can be a better wife and friend to your husband.  Lets really evaluate at the weeks end if parenting seems more smooth when our marriage is attended to.

Enjoy your Best Friend this week!

The Corner Piece

“He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord”. Proverbs 18:22

I am a “center gal”. I love the center piece of a brownie (yep, the one in the middle of the pan). I love the center piece of a casserole, of lasagna, etc. I think the piece with absolutely no crust in and the dead center of everything good is the best part of any dish. Because this is my favorite part, for years I would fix my husband’s plate for dinner (or whatever meal we were eating at the time) and I would give him my prized center piece. I saw it as an act of love…to give him the piece that I thought was best…the one I really wanted for myself! After several years of doing this, my husband one day asked me, “Why don’t you ever give me the corner piece? I love the corners! That is my favorite part!” What? You mean after all these years of me sacrificing my delicious center piece he really wanted the corner piece all along? I would be happy to give him that! Then he added, “I am a corner man.”

When I think about the above situation, it makes me laugh. I now gracefully devour the center piece and my husband inhales the corner pieces. :) But more importantly, I learned that day (and am still learning), how important open communication is in marriage. Sometimes we mistakenly assume we know what our husbands really want, and then we try our best to give him that. However, I ran across an excerpt from a book today that I really want to share with you. Here it goes:

Have a Meeting of the Minds with Your Husband

For years I placed unrealistic expectations on myself because I thought I knew what I needed to be a great wife to my husband. I ran myself ragged trying to keep up “the perfect wife charade.” Then one day the thought occurred to me that I had never stopped to ask my husband his definition of a good wife. His answer was so simple: ‘Take good care of the kids, exercise to stay in shape, and keep the house tidy.”
I was stunned and wondered, That’s it? Where are the 500 other things I thought I needed to be doing for you that have resided on my to- do list all these years?
He helped me see that if I did these top three things he felt very happy and well taken care of. The other things could be delegated to another family member, and he was the first to volunteer. He now does all the grocery shopping and is happy to do it.
All it took was a simple question. Try asking your husband his definition of a good wife—you might be surprised and relieved by his answer!”
Excerpt taken from Leading Women to the Heart of God by Lysa Terkeurst

Prayer:

Heavenly Father,
In your graciousness and your infinite wisdom, you made us all so wonderfully unique. We were created in your image and likeness, and we praise you for that. God please help us to be a reflection of you to each other in our marriages, and may we love you and our spouse more with each passing day. Father, please help us to communicate honestly and freely with one another, and may your grace fill in all the gaps. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.

Challenge: Ask your husband what his definition of a good wife is. Try your best (and pray for help) putting his ideas into practice. :)