THINK Before You Speak (Profanity)

If you are keeping up with the Tuesday blog posts, you know we have been on a journey to discover our individual struggles when it comes to what we say and how we say it.We have looked at the concept of THINK before you speak and applied it to how we speak to and about our spouses as well as how it relates to gossip. This week, the topic is profanity.

Many Christians by nature have just eliminated certain words from their vocabulary. And we all have our own definitions of what we consider "bad" words. Knowing our kids listen to and repeat everything they hear at home, we have to be especially careful that words we aren't offended by don't get repeated and offend others. For example, my husband and I never considered 'crap' to be a bad word. Not that it was said alot, we just were not offended by it. But, we realized that others are, and so that was that.

For some, profane words were simply replaced with other less offensive words in the same expression as in "What the frick", "Gosh darn it", or "Holy shih tsu". Is this still considered swearing? What about taking it one step lighter as in "What the junk" or "Holy cow"? What constitutes profanity, what is said or the way in which you say it, essentially the heart behind it? Here's one, when you are extremely angry or stub your toe, what comes out of your mouth? And why do we feel the urge to cry out some expletive or other expression at those moments?

When I taught elementary school, a parent once shared what she did when one of her children said a bad word. She would have them write it on toilet paper and flush it down the toilet, because "bad words are potty talk and that's where they belong", she explained. That is a very creative visual lesson.

Here are some more questions to consider and Scripture references on the subject. 

What is considered a "bad word" in your house?
Are you comfortable with your kids repeating any and all words/expressions you use?
Are there words that Mommy and/or Daddy say that you instruct your kids not to repeat?
How do you handle profanity from adults and/or children in your home?
Is a word in and of itself profane, or is it the way you say it?

Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, that it may give grace to those who hear.  Ephesians 4:29 

But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. Colossians 3:8 

Lord,
I come to you this day asking for forgiveness for any unwholesome word I have spoken. Please help me define profanity according to Your standards and set an example in speech to my children and other adults in my home and those who come in contact with my family. Please help me to put away obscene talk from my mouth and show the utmost self-control in those moments I am most tempted. As with all areas of struggle, may my failures be lessons and may the conviction felt in my spirit be strong enough to inspire change in my character. May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to You, Lord. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen. 

THINK Before You Speak (Gossip)

The Tuesday blog is currently dedicated to a series of posts on taming the tongue. We have been encouraged to put the principle of THINK before you speak into action and allowing God's Spirit to be our filter as our thoughts turn into words. Last week, we examined our speech as it relates to how we speak to and about our spouses. This week is the mother of all issues I believe we face, and that is gossip.

I believe people see many areas as grey areas when it comes to gossip. For example, in some family circles, everybody knows what is going on in everybody else's lives and do not consider this gossip. Aunts, cousins, siblings all know intimate details of every family member's life and such is often the topic of conversation at family get-togethers. What is your view on this? What boundaries have you established in your family?

Another grey area is where to draw the line when it comes to informing vs. gossip. Nobody wants to go up to a friend who is going through a divorce and ask how their spouse is doing or say a friendly, "Happy Anniversary". So, is it okay at some points to share basic info as long as you don't go into too much detail? And how much is too much when it comes to the details?

I am sure we have all heard the conversation (gossip) starter, "So and so needs prayer...". Is it okay to share information when asking for prayer? If God knows the details of a situation, do we need to in order to better pray for someone?

Here are some more questions to ponder as well as some Bible verses to see what God has to say about gossip.

Where do you find yourself most tempted to gossip (on a phone call with a friend, on the playground, at work, etc.)?
If it's family, is it still gossip?
How can you resist that urge to "just have to tell somebody"?
Is there a current situation you need to make right in this area?

He who goes about as a talebearer reveals secrets, But he who is trustworthy conceals a matter.

Proverbs 11:13 

A perverse man spreads strife, And a slanderer separates intimate friends.

Proverbs 16:28 

And at the same time they also learn to be idle, as they go around from house to house; and not merely idle, but also gossips and busybodies, talking about things not proper to mention.

1 Timothy 5:13 

Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell. All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.

With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be.

James 3:5-10 

Father,

Please help me to control my thoughts and words that whatever comes out of my mouth is pleasing to You. Today, I ask for help to avoid the temptation to gossip and listen to gossip. Please help me find things to talk about that are true, helpful, inspiring, necessary, and kind. When I stumble, please let it be a lesson as I feel the conviction in my heart, and may I apologize and ask for help from my friends to hold me accountable in this area. May no pain be caused or fire set ablaze due to my tongue. Please give me a quiet spirit and self-control to only share with You when I  just have to tell someone. May my words bring healing rather than hurt, and may I be a role model for my children in this area. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

THINK Before You Speak (Part 2)

Last week I shared with you my desire to work on taming the tongue. I am so blessed by those who have agreed to join me and pray we are successful!  In an effort to let our conversations be led by the Holy Spirit, we spent the last week working on THINKing before we speak:

I found that more often than not, I would do the THINKing after I spoke rather than before. I found myself rerunning conversations through my mind, making sure that my words honored God and going back to make it right if they did not. This is tough! So, I plan to keep working on this, realizing it's a marathon not a sprint.

This week I would like to focus on one particular topic of conversation, and that is how we speak to others about our husbands. Back when Rick and I were dating, he made a request. He asked that we not talk to any friends or family members about our arguments. It paints a bad picture of your spouse and once the anger and hurt feelings have passed, we go back to normal while the person we spoke to is left with that image of our spouse at his/her absolute worst.

We have both worked to commit to this, and have seen the fruit. With no one else to talk to, we have to talk to each other and work things out, we don't make things worse by venting and having someone agree with our one-sided version of events, and our friends and family members see us firsthand for who we are rather than who we become during those moments of an argument. Though there still may be times when we need to seek counsel from a fellow Christian, it's all in how you approach it.

 For example, here are two scenarios for seeking counsel about the same problem :

"How do you keep the romance alive in your marriage? We could really use a little boost to spice things up."
vs.
"Bob just doesn't seem interested in me any more. He never takes me out on dates. He stopped opening the car door for me ages ago, and things in the bedroom just aren't what they used to be. Just the other day, he ....."

You can see where this is going. Let's be challenged this week to THINK before we speak to others about our  spouses. Let's commit to building them up with our words and in times where we need help, take a 'less (said) is more' approach.  If you are not currently married, this same principle can be applied to how you speak of your ex or current significant other you are dating.

Our children should see us building up our spouses with our words as well, rather than mocking, tearing down, rebuking, or contradicting them. If a disagreement/discussion is to be had, it is best to be had in private. If we want Daddy to be their hero and leader, let's speak words that follow and encourage that idea. And when we need a friend to talk to in our frustration, let's first take the problem to God in prayer, communicate directly with our spouse to resolve the issue, and if we still find a need for counsel, seek out a wise, like-minded sister and spend more time talking through the resolution and less about the problem. Amen?

I close this week with a Scripture that brings as much of a chuckle as a reality check. Thank you for joining me on this journey and challenge to honor God with our words.

Father, I confess I do not always tame my tongue and struggle in this area of my life. I want to honor You with all that I am and humbly ask for Your help. Please help me to put the principle of THINK before you speak into practice and make right any wrongs my words have caused.  I ask You to help this week as I work on how I communicate to and about my husband. May I build him up with my words rather than tear him down by mocking, contradicting, or rebuking him- especially in front of our children. Please help me to come to You, first and foremost when I need a friend to talk through our problems with. I know that You are the Wonderful Counselor, and our help and hope is in You. In times when I seek wise counsel, please guide me to a like-minded believer and help me to state the area of need in a way that does not bash or degrade my husband. Please help me to use discretion and honor You in this area. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

THINK Before You Speak (Part 1)

What a picture! Seriously, I think the tongue is the most difficult part to tame, and the one that gets us into the most trouble. There are so many verses to be found throughout Scripture warning and edifying us to control our tongues, from beautiful descriptions of wise words being likened to honeycomb or apples of gold set in silver to hasty and foolish words being compared to sword thrusts or a great forest set ablaze by a small fire. Our words have power and can set the tone for how our home is run. Consider this quote:

"I have come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element. It is my personal approach that creates the climate. It is my daily mood that makes the weather. I possess tremendous power to make life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration, I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. In all situations, it is my response that decides…"
~ Goethe

I am sure we have all heard the expression, "If Mama ain't happy, nobody's happy". I have recently set my heart to consider the effects my words have on our home, our children, our marriage, and other relationships and hope to spend the next several weeks working on taming my tongue and teaching by example as I instruct my children to do the same. Being that this is such a grand undertaking, I hope to work through this endeavor by focusing on one thing at a time and really working to make this life change one that is realistic and permanent.

This week, the focus is on where it all begins, in the mind. We have all had those moments where just before the words come out of our mouths, we feel that tug in our spirit that warns us to tread carefully or not to say anything at all. The goal this week is to train our minds to listen to and for that voice and keep in tuned to it at all times. In essence T.H.I.N.K. before we speak and not ignore the Spirit within us attempting to guide our conversations.

This is a great one to post in and around your home to remind your kids what kind of speech is acceptable, especially when it comes to siblings. I am committing this to memory and working this week to make it a part of my filter before I open my mouth and pray you will be inspired to do the same. We may find ourselves silent more often, but that may not be such a bad thing... (Prov 17:28- ouch!) Let's pray!

Gracious Lord, You are the giver of life and the originator of this gift we have to communicate with our words. Please teach us to tame our tongues and use our words to bring life and edification rather than to tear down and cause destruction in our homes. This week I commit to praying for Your Holy Spirit to guide my conversations and be the filter that every thought runs through before it comes out of my mouth. Please help my words to be true, helpful, inspiring, necessary, and kind. If they are not, please let Your voice resound in my mind as a warning to stop speaking, and may every failure be a lesson learned that brings me one step closer to my goal of self-control over my tongue. Even as I take this small step, may I see the fruit in the mood and tone of my home as well as in my relationships with others. May my husband and children be blessed to see this change and inspired to do the same. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.