For as many mistakes as I have made as a mother, I have also been spared many a heartache thanks to wisdom from the Lord as well as other mommies. Let's face it, we all love to share our mommy stories, the good, bad, and ugly. It's nice to talk to others who can laugh with you and relate as well as being able to download when we have troubles and ask for wisdom and prayer. From the moment you delivered that first baby, whether natural or cesarean, epidural or natural, Pitocin (that gives you some sort of bonus points, in my opinion) or if that perfect little person was handed to you through the gift of adoption, you are now part of this wonderful club where we all have an understanding of one another's struggles and glories. It is in the sharing of those struggles and glories that I have found wisdom and adjusted my parenting style as such.
One thing I am extremely grateful for is wise advice from several mommy friends who told me about the book Babywise. It's all about scheduling and helping baby create good sleep habits. While my husband and I were not rigid with it, we used it as a tool to help both of our girls get on a healthy nap and sleep schedule early on, which was certainly a blessing when they finally began sleeping through the night and has continued to be a blessing as they have gotten older and continue to maintain good sleeping habits.
I am also very thankful to my friend Franci from whom I picked up discipline strategies back in our teaching days that I still use with my own kids. She would always tell her 3rd graders to "make good choices" which helped them learn to take responsibility for their own disobedience and the resulting consequences. We use this phrase with Selah. When she shows the signs of an impending tantrum, we tell her to make a better choice and then lay out what that choice looks like. It is so sweet when she gets that thoughtful look on her face and decides to do the right thing (usually...) which is oftentimes accompanied by her saying, "good job, that's a better choice!".
Being a teacher at a Christian school has offered the unique benefit of building relationships with strong Christian moms and dads. I have watched and learned so much from them. I observed them disciplining in love, encouraging with sincerity, answering with honesty and wisdom, and praying with child-like faith. I am so very grateful to have witnessed all of this before having children of my own. With my husband working with high school students, we have really gotten a view of the whole spectrum and have seen what works and what doesn't.
I could wrote a whole blog just on this and probably will at some point. But here is one of the biggest lessons we have learned. We have witnessed that oftentimes the most successful and spiritually mature students have very supportive and involved parents who are aware of and working through their child's areas of struggle rather than being in denial or defensive about them. On the reverse of that, we have also seen parents who consistently make excuses for their children academically, socially, and spiritually. These kids carry their struggles with them from year to year, never getting the help they need or held accountable for their actions and character- and the problems persist and grow.
So, we have set our minds and hearts to be involved, be aware, and be honest when it comes to our children's limitations and sin struggles. If my daughter ends up being the bossy girl in the class, I want to take her aside and teach her humility. If she is a teenager hiking her uniform skirt up way too high, it will be pants only until she learns how to dress modestly. If she posts something inappropriate on a social site, I want to know about it asap and follow up with the appropriate consequences. That is the kind of parenting I have been blessed to witness and hope to model.
It would be wonderful if we as moms all had a group of like-minded mommies that we can learn from and bounce ideas off of. If we are transparent with each other, we can learn so much from each other's mistakes and rejoice in each other's glories, gleaning wisdom to impart in our own homes. I pray that you have this, and if not, I encourage you to ask the Lord to provide an opportunity to get involved in just the right group for you. If you already have a great group of mommy friends, consider looking for others to invite to join you. First and foremost, is God's direction in our lives as our primary source of guidance and wisdom. What works for one family may not work for you and yours, but there is wise counsel and great fellowship to be had among fellow Christians.
Prayer- Gracious and Glorious God, I ask you first and foremost for the wisdom that comes from You to fill me and flow from me as I instruct, discipline, and raise my children. I pray for the perfect group of like-minded mommies to be brought into my life that we may share, fellowship, encourage, and learn from each other. I pray that I will listen, watch, and learn from other parents around me that I may grow in knowledge and understanding to be a better parent to these wonderful children you have blessed me with. Please help me to understand their struggles and work through them rather than deny them that I may help my children to embrace who You created them to be. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.
