I’m the Leader Part II: Making Servant-Leadership Practical for Little Ones

Trash. It was all over the yard. People stopped and stared and shook their heads. No one said it out loud, but everyone wondered “What in the living daylights is wrong with those neighbors?” You know what I’m talking about…those neighbors. Who are they? The ones with the unkempt yard, unusual behavior, the ones that leave you scratching your head and wondering what in the world is going on in that home? They are different. They are not accepted.

Well, those neighbors had trash all over their yard, and they were obviously out of town, so they couldn’t do anything about it. Because they put their trash out in bags instead of a trashcan (which is against our HOA rules), some raccoon or other woodsy animal had a field day ripping through their garbage. To tell you the truth, even if those neighbors had been home, they may not have done anything about it.

Our other neighbors were not amused, yet no one helped. Sooooo….one Sunday while our two younger kids were taking a nap, my husband announced that it was “time to be like Jesus”…he decided it was time to for a service project. My hubs and our oldest Doodlebug (armed with plastic bags around their hands) went and picked up every piece of trash and rebagged it.

I know some of our neighbors watched and peeked out of their windows. I hope they saw Jesus by our example. Perhaps the biggest impact was upon our oldest Doodlebug. It took them quite some time to pick up all the little scraps that the wind had blown about, but he did it without complaining. I was so proud of him. I wanted him to know that being a leader sometimes means going first…being humble enough to do the “dirty work”. He also learned that sometimes our service goes unthanked or unnoticed. Our neighbors probably didn’t even know their trash had blown all over the yard or that my husband and son rebagged it for them.

My Doodlebug learned that day that leadership requires humility and is not dependant upon the applause of others. Fellow mom, I have to be honest, this service project was not my idea (it was my husband’s), but it got me thinking…I need to serve alongside my kids. A mission trip would go a long way in their little hearts (it may even make them thankful for the food on their plates and get rid of all this picky eater nonsense LOL), but until then we can make service an everyday thing by looking for little ways to impact those that we encounter doing the ordinary things (grocery shopping, waiting at sporting practices, hanging out at the park, etc.) There are hurting and needy people all around us…people who need to feel and experience the love of Jesus. We, along with our children, can meet some of those needs. Those little hands can show them Jesus.

Fellow momma, let’s take the time to access the needs around us. Let’s teach our children that it is better to serve than be served. Let’s help them develop a heart like Jesus.

Let’s Pray:

Heavenly Father, humility is not always easy, but we thank you for your perfect example. Please give us the grace to walk in your ways and the desire and creativity to teach our kids to do the same. In Jesus’ name we pray, Amen.

“A generous man will prosper, he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed.” Psalm 11:25 (NIV)

“But Jesus called them together and said, "You know that in this world kings are tyrants, and officials lord it over the people beneath them. But among you it should be quite different. Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must become your slave. For even I, the Son of Man, came here not to be served but to serve others, and to give my life as a ransom for many." Matthew 20:25-28 (NLT)

Community is a Necessity

Necessity is defined as an indispensable thing; essential; necessary. 

I recently started a Bible study on Tuesday nights and it has been life changing. For me. For the ladies. It is a necessity as a Christian. As a woman. As a mom. We were created for fellowship. We yearn for it and when we find like-minded friends it truly is a gift. The reason I started the Tuesday group was the same as last summer...needing refreshment. There is something unique and special each time a group of people gather together in the name of Jesus.

He promises, 

For where two or three have gathered together

 in My name, I am there in their midst.

- Matthew 18:20

As a mom it can be so difficult to get out to a Bible study. I found the top 10 reasons, we don't join a group, from this site: 

http://www.womensbiblecafe.com/2009/11/10-reasons-not-to-join-a-bible-study/

See if any of these ring true for you...

1. You’re too busy. Satan likes a busy woman because those distractions will keep you away from God.
2. You’re afraid of quitting. Not believing in yourself is an advantage for the enemy, he wants you to doubt your strength.
3. Past failure. You tried a Bible Study, got behind and felt guilty. Right, just like the time you got on a bike, fell off, and never rode a bike again.
4. Homework, yuk! Asking your children to do homework and then not doing it yourself…Satan just loves this.
5. No time in my day. We waste time learning from TV and we don’t give our time to God by reading the Bible.
6. My house is noisy. Getting up early is not easy, after the first day. Once you find alone time, you’re value it more than anything else in your day.
7. I have to work. Making money is important, but worshiping money, instead of spending time with God, is not. Get up early or read at lunchtime.
8. It’s too expensive. The online study is free, the book is inexpensive. Use your money for coffee drinks, or for God?
9. The commitment is too long. Being scared is something Satan has instilled in your heart and he wins, not God.
10. The “Holidays” are coming. There will always be a holiday, a Spring Break, Christmas Season or family vacation. While these events are short lived, bible study is a six to ten week commitment of reading God’s Word. His Word in your heart is eternal.

Do any of these have your name on it??

I cannot stress how important and life giving small group Bible study is. I have made some of my best friends through it. Gleaned much and been challenged by others to live more like Christ. I have a group to share my struggles with and the praise reports as well! A community who commits to pray for me which allows for transparency leading to ministry. 

Do you have a group like this? 

If not, pray and press on. Find one. Get involved in this life changing mission and allow the Lord to stretch you. As a mom, community is a necessity. It is essential. We have those moments we feel like a failure and need reassurance we are not! It will allow you to be refreshed. Coming home after -ready to face the rest of the week - with the right perspective. You will be a better mom, wife, and friend because of it. Just do it!

New Shoes!

We are a week and a day away from “Show Time!”  Yes, Hope has made it to another recital.  Next weekend she will dance for an audience of one.  She has a beautiful costume and she is ready for the pieces she is in.

     But tonight?  Not so much.  She got in the car from her late evening rehearsal so cranky.  She was hyper-focused on the fact her teacher had told her she needed new point shoes.

     Point shoes are no small investment and Hope understands. 

    

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As she sat at our bar eating her dinner at minutes before 10 o’clock.  I noticed how very quiet and sullen she seemed.  I asked if she was anxious.

     She immediately fell apart.  I walked over to Hope and put my arms around her.  (I told her that was the clue she needed to put her arms around me too! I’m still trying to teach her appropriate social skills.)

     I assured her everything was going to work out, but not before I asked  what she feeling.  Her anxiety was over her shoes and her desire to preform flawlessly next Saturday night.

     Hope carries herself very confidently.  I didn’t expect her to feel the level of anxiety that she does.  I’m glad I asked.  I’m glad she was honest and could articulate her emotion (she has come so far.)

     I prayed with her tonight that she would trust the Lord.  I prayed Hope would not feel anxious.  I prayed about her shoes and her performance.  Mostly, my prayer was praise.  Praise she has been able to dance this year.  Praise she has developed as a dancer.  Praise I was chosen to be her mom. 

     I also privately thanked the Lord that I didn’t react too harsh on our drive home from rehearsal.  I thanked the Lord that I didn’t rebuke Hope for her grumpy attitude on the way home.  I’m thankful I noticed Hope wasn’t herself while she ate.

     Please let me encourage you moms, watch for what your child is NOT saying.  Ask what is underlining their negative behaviors.  Offer to support them while they make sense of their personal frustrations.  Being available to help with their frustrations is far more productive than joining them or handing out consequences that only adds to their difficulties.

     And tomorrow?  We will stop by the ballet store and get new shoes!

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Proverbs 3: 5, 6

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart.  Lean not on your own understanding.

In all your ways acknowledge Him,

and He will make your paths straight."

Get Out & Breathe

Today was refreshing. It was one I will remember for a long time. I went to a playdate organized to celebrate my son's 7th birthday. The kids ate lunch, played, splashed in the water pad, laughed and reminded me of how important it is to get out. This outing allowed my kids the joy of being around other kids and gave me the blessing of having fellowship with other moms.

Today's time highlighted the fact that I have been in a rut. A rut that lasted a year. It was a time when I resisted playdates and was worried what "new friends" in my new town might think of my son who struggles. Other kids struggle too, but if I am cooped up in my house without playdates I don't recognize that. Fear held me back from experiencing new friendships, both for me and my kiddos.

But that's going to change. I need to push through my fear, and make new friends. I need to pray for special and understanding friends for both my kids and me too! I need to get out there. Join that local moms Bible study. Make a phone call and initiate a play date without fear of what they may think of my child. It's healthy. It's necessary to survive ...in motherhood :) It's community...and what we were made for.

What fear is holding you back?

Set a goal to overcome that fear. Follow through. Celebrate even the little milestones you overcome!

Fellowship is good. Playdates are healthy. Community is necessary. Just do it! Get out & breathe.

Growing Pains

Last week was a hard week for our family.  I had to pick up our almost three year old son from a Parent's Morning Out program that he attends for hitting.  I was shocked, mortified, ashamed, defensive, disappointed and sad.  My son was happy to see me at first, but when he realized he had to leave early, he was devastated.  After speaking with one of his teachers, and then explaining to him that we had to go home, I had to pick him up off the floor and carry him out, while he cried, "I'm sorry, I want to try again!" over and over again.  It was heartbreaking.  It was one of my worst days as a parent, and I think it was one of his worst days, too.


Growing pains.  He is learning so much in his little "school."  He's learning that he has the ability to make choices on his own, without me to guide or correct him.  He can choose to give or to take, to hurt or to help, to obey or disobey.  He's beginning to see that there are consequences for the choices he makes, even outside of our home. 


Growing pains.  Sometimes they seem harder for us moms than for our little ones.  Their setbacks become our setbacks.  Our pride comes to the surface and disappointment and doubt creep in.  "What am I doing wrong?  Should I go back to work?  Maybe he spends too much time with me.  He plays with other kids a lot, but do we do enough one on one play dates?  How can I help him to share?  How can I help him understand that hitting hurts and to have compassion for the other kids?  How can I help him understand that he is not entitled to whatever he wants, whenever he wants it, at any cost?" A lot for a three year old, I know! Lol. 


Questions and reflection are good, as are rewards and consequences, prayer, and counsel from fellow mommas who have been there. But the best thing we can do for our kids and ourselves is remember that God is their supreme parent.  He has a plan for their life and a purpose for their struggle, just as he does for ours.


Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,^[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³ because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. ⁴ Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. - James 1:2-4, NIV


Our son did get to "try again."  After much prayer and practice, he had two "perfect" days in a row, according to his teacher.   When I shared this praise with my faithful friends and thanked them for praying, my wise friend, Lena, responded back with "Praise!  And even when he doesn't have good days, praise God and thank Him because he is learning and growing."  And so are we, mommas, aren't we?  Learning and growing every day as the Lord uses our kids to show us how much we need to rely on him daily and entrust him fully with our little ones, even when it hurts, especially when it hurts!


Let's pray.


Dear God, thank you for the gift of our children.  Thank you for being their perfect parent always, even when we fall short.  Help us to trust you with their growth, even when we feel the growing pains, both theirs and ours.  Forgive our little ones for their sins, forgive us for ours Lord, and help us continue to grow more and more like you each day, as we trust in you.  We love you.  In Jesus' name, we pray.  Amen. 

Delayed...With Purpose

Today was a big day. A life lesson was learned. My husband was scheduled to fly to Haiti on a missions trip he was leading. We planned our day around dropping him off at the airport. Bags -packed. Extra materials required for ministry -packed. Itinerary schedule-packed. Arrangements made for arrival of the team of twelve once landed in Port Au Prince- check. Everything was a go...or so we thought. The Lord had other plans.

A few hours later, my husband called me and shared that their flight was cancelled. Mechanical issues with the plane caused a setback. They wouldn't fly out until the following day. The trip was delayed. As I drove back that afternoon to pick him up from the airport my mind pondered the question...why? Why was it delayed? God had a plan. God had a purpose for this zealous group to go make disciples in all the nations. But there was also purpose in the delay of their departure as well. Maybe it would be the flight attendant OR someone who would sit on the seat next to one of our missionaries that would need ministry. Maybe it will be the driver of the complementary shuttle that will take our team tomorrow back to the airport - that needs to experience the love of Christ. It is a plan with a purpose...even when I don't completely get it. HE does!

Delays are not always fun, but are necessary. They cause us to slow down, breathe, and refocus on the things that are important. My oldest has some speech delays. Things that come naturally and normal for others, the Lord has fashioned in him to be delayed. The purpose and plan completely out of my hands, but in his Maker's. Those delays will cause us to rub shoulders with doctors and specialists that need to experience the love of Christ too.  His plan is much bigger than the delay. That "inconvenience" is actually a holy encounter. One ordained by God - which He wants us to use for His glory.

The mechanical malfunction of the plane - your son or daughter's struggle - that delay - is a holy encounter - to be used for His purpose. His plan. One that will have an eternal value someday.

What is your "delay?"

Refocus on what is important and remember it is a delay with purpose, meaning, and value.

"I'm the Leader!...But What is Leadership?"

The action: “After that, he [Jesus] poured water into a basin and he began to wash his disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him.” John 13:5

The commission:  “When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. "Do you understand what I have done for you?" he asked them. 13 "You call me 'Teacher' and 'Lord,' and rightly so, for that is what I am. 14 Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another's feet. 15 I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. 16 I tell you the truth, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. 17 Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.” John 13:12-17

“I’m the leader!” How often have you heard your kids battle with their friends for this coveted position? If you ask me, the dispute can get pretty heated. Kids end up with hurt feelings and claim that “they don’t want to play anymore”. With everyone (including me) encouraging their kids to “be a leader” these days, I wonder if our kids truly know what that means?

If we look to the example laid out in Scripture, to lead means to serve and give of one’s self selflessly. It’s the very essence of being a mom. We serve our kids in so many ways each day. We cook for them, clean up after them, shuttle them to practices and games, arrange play dates for them, teach them, wipe their tushies (for the little ones), cook some more, clean some more, the list goes on…

We are serving them because we love them, yet we are also their leader. We are teaching them and instructing them in righteousness…all while serving and looking out for their needs. This is the heart of leadership.  Service.

Leadership, oddly enough, also requires submission—submission to the will of the Father. Jesus modeled this perfectly. We are called to follow the example he set. Contrary to the popular saying, we are not the masters of our own fate. True peace only comes from following the Prince of Peace, not from demanding our own way.

So, fellow momma. J Next time you hear your kids arguing about who is “going to be the leader”, take it as a wonderful, God-sent opportunity to talk about the Biblical meaning of leadership.  Let their minds and hearts chew on a new meaning of leadership: service of our fellow man [or woman] and submission to our Heavenly Father.

Let’s pray.

Heavenly Father,

We are so thankful for the wisdom that comes from you. Many times your wisdom runs contrary to the “wisdom” of this world. When the world calls for pride, you call for humility. Thank you for showing us that to lead means to serve. Help us model this truth to our children and instruct them in your ways. In Jesus’ name we pray, Amen.

 Have a God-filled day! Tune in next Monday for “I’m the Leader Part 2: Making Service Practical for Little Ones”. J